IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A recent study showed people in developed countries are not as happy as they were before development. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions?

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Introduction
Nothing comes without a price
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the price of
development
Use synonyms
 and
high category
Correct your spelling
high-category
 life comes with very extreme expenses .
Moreover
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
,
show examples
 all good parts of
development
Use synonyms
happiness
Punctuation problem
, happiness
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the most precious thing that human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 can achieve.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the biggest break if a person
lost
Wrong verb form
loses
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
How any nation can
Correct word order
how can any nation
show examples
 create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 in all aspects?
Its
Use the right word
It's
show examples
 by the men and women and even children
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
show examples
 and
process
Use synonyms
 of building a better future for a stronger
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
show examples
. It's
also
Linking Words
 the best form by making life easier from all
it
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 sides
transportation
Punctuation problem
, transportation
show examples
 ,
comunacation
Correct your spelling
communication
, shelter and even health care . All these facilities don't grow without
time
Use synonyms
,money and huge effort and all of these are the
process
Use synonyms
 of
development
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the main changer in the hole argue is the developer.
Body paragraph 2
In our another hand , the developers
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
are the people changes from a regular species to a form of true robot.
This
Linking Words
 means he even loses a very large part of
his
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 feelings that a regular human being
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 as happiness. Happiness is the achievement of good
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
times
show examples
 people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 with
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 family ,
friends
Punctuation problem
friends,
show examples
 that makes lovely memories . All of these good times
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 stolen by the
process
Use synonyms
 of building and developing the country .
Conclusion
In the conclusion ,
Development
Use synonyms
 are very important
process
Use synonyms
every
Punctuation problem
; every
show examples
 step in it makes a better nation . But we
also
Linking Words
 need to not forget to spend some lovely
time
Use synonyms
 with
how
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 we love and care
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
 By enjoying good
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
times
show examples
 with family and
also
Linking Words
 not stopping the developing
process
Use synonyms
 will make strong nations filled with enjoyment.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give separate causes, such as long work hours, high costs, and less time with family. Then give separate solutions, such as work-life balance, free public spaces, and help for families.
task response
Your main idea is that development can take time away from family and friends. Explain this more fully: say why people work more, what this does to daily life, and how it can make people less happy.
task response
Use one or two real or made-up examples. For example, a parent may work late every day to pay for a house, so they have little time to see their children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction; causes; solutions; conclusion. The second body part should focus on solutions, but it now mostly repeats the idea about the cause.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then add two or three sentences that explain it. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Avoid unclear links such as 'In our another hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, use 'development', 'people', and 'happiness'. Do not use unclear words like 'developer' when you mean people who live in a developed country.
task response
You have a clear central idea: people may lose happy time with family and friends when they spend too much time working for development.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The final paragraph returns to the main message about balancing development and family time.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'To begin with', 'However', and 'In conclusion', which shows awareness of essay structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • technological advancements
  • social isolation
  • communication tools
  • work-related stress
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • economic status
  • meaningful experiences
  • relationships
  • environmental concerns
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • mental health
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • physical health
  • mental health problems
  • anxiety
  • helplessness
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