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Band 4.5

Many people cant speak or present well in public, an idea is to start training from the school.State if it is important to speak well in public.Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
A number of
people
Use synonyms
 don’t have
communication
Use synonyms
 skills in front of the public. It needs to start training at the
school
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think
otherwise
Linking Words
, but I strongly believe
communication
Use synonyms
 skills need to be developed from a young age. Because
this
Linking Words
 will help to get a job in the future and
also
Linking Words
 build self-confidence significantly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 clear
communication
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we need to develop speaking ability from a younger age, and
school
Use synonyms
 is the right place for
this
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, schools can hold debating competitions;
this
Linking Words
 will improve their confidence in public
speech
Replace the word
speaking
.
This
Linking Words
 will make them more self-confident.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it will increase the chance of getting a job in the future, and
Linking Words
also it will
Correct word order
it will also
show examples
 help to communicate clearly with other
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is why
school
Use synonyms
 training is vital in public speaking.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 say public speaking can improve after
school
Use synonyms
 too. But I don't agree with that statement because
without
Punctuation problem
, without
show examples
 developing good confidence at a young age, it’s hard to talk in public without fear.
However
Linking Words
, they argue
once
Correct word choice
that once
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become mature, they are not going to fear anything.
According to
Linking Words
 my findings, I think training at the
school
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better solution to get rid of those kinds of situations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, to develop public speaking, you need to start training
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 because it will develop
communication
Use synonyms
 significantly.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, rather than waiting to leave
school
Use synonyms
, you need
trained
Wrong verb form
to train
show examples
 students for better
communication
Use synonyms
 skills at schools.
This
Linking Words
 will become a major advantage in their decision-making
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 future activities.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that schools should teach public speaking. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why early practice has a long-term effect. For example, show how regular class talks can help a child feel calm, speak with clear words, and take part in later job talks.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some are repeated. You mention confidence many times. Add a second clear main point, such as how speaking well helps students share ideas, work in groups, and make good choices.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Instead of only saying that schools can hold debates, say what students do in a debate and how this practice helps them. This will make your point more real and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, the second body part is not fully clear because it gives the other side and then quickly says you do not agree. State the other view in one or two lines, then clearly explain why your view is still better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main idea. In the first body part, you move from school training to confidence, jobs, and clear talk. Split these ideas more clearly: one part can be about confidence, and another can be about future work and daily communication.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “On the other hand” are used well, but some sentences repeat the same point. Join ideas in a smoother way and avoid saying “This will make them more self-confident” just after saying that debates improve confidence.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, restate your view in a simple and direct way. The phrase “you need trained students” is not clear. Write: “Therefore, schools should give students regular chances to speak in public.”
task response
You answer the main question directly and keep a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
You give relevant reasons, especially confidence, clear communication, and future jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall shape: an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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