IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, schools have started to include online learning as part of their curriculum. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 schools all over the world are starting to add online classes
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their curriculum , and maybe
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 definitely a good sign that technology is
imroving
Correct your spelling
improving
Body paragraph 1
obviously it does help the
students
Use synonyms
, sometimes
Correct word order
. Sometimes,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 want to be involved
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a
big amount
Check wording
large number
show examples
 of poeple
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
school
Change preposition
at school
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they'd love to do online
school
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Not all
students
Use synonyms
 love to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 and interact with people
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some are even homebodies ,
however
Linking Words
 they're might be a different reason for
home schooling
Correct your spelling
homeschooling
. Maybe the
school
Use synonyms
 are facing a big number of
students
Use synonyms
 and the
school
Use synonyms
 can not fit them all , so they
home
Correct your spelling
homeschool
school
Use synonyms
 them for a short amount of time
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
 the disadvantages of online learning could make the child introvert and can not face the world , that could make the child afraid of daily stuff like collage's , job's , or even just going out of the house like a normal teenager would , so the right way to handle teenagers of those types is therapy , i think the right therapist would break
this
Linking Words
 fear , another way to help them is to have the parents reasuring them and helping them break
this
Linking Words
 fear by making them go out and socialize
Conclusion
In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 i 100% support online classes and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 definitely think they help the
students
Use synonyms
 and the teachers to maintain the class and not having to always quiet down the class for having a big crowd of
students
Use synonyms
 , and to help those
introvets
Correct your spelling
introverts
 who would love to do online classes rather than
in person
Correct your spelling
in-person
school
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Give two clear good points and two clear bad points of online learning. At present, the essay gives more space to shy students than to other key points.
task response
Use ideas that are about online learning itself. For example, students can learn from home and schools can teach more students. On the other hand, students may feel alone, have less face-to-face talk, or have internet problems.
task response
Explain each main point with a short example. For example: a student who lives far from school can save travel time by joining a class from home.
task response
Avoid moving too far into therapy and parents. These ideas are not the main answer to the question. Keep the focus on schools, students, and online classes.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “One advantage of online learning is that it gives students more choice.” Then explain that idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Do not join many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and more balanced. Say that online learning has useful points, but schools should also give students chances to meet and work with others.
task response
You give a clear view that online classes can help students who do not feel at ease in large groups.
task response
You include both good and bad sides, so the essay does respond to the full question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, body parts about good and bad points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However” and “In the end” help show a change of idea and a final view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • curriculum
  • flexibility
  • self-paced
  • collaborative learning
  • screen time
  • self-discipline
  • virtual classroom
  • digital literacy
  • time management
  • work-life-study balance
  • in-person interaction
  • cyber-slacking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: