IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the majority of the crowd
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to use social
media
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 in order to keep in touch with friends or relatives easily. I personally believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the most significant drawback is that everyone can posted video on social
media
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, even if it is about fake information.
Therefore
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, the number of misinformations may rapidly spread.
As a consequence
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, nations definitely believe false information, since they do not always check the videos on social
media
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.
Moreover
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, excessive use of social news can be time-consuming , and it can distract
people
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 from their studies and work.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, social announcements' advantages can outweigh the disadvantages. To be more exact, it enables
people
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 to communicate with their relatives who live in another country.
For example
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, there are some humans who live abroad
,
Correct word choice
and
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 can keep in touch with their family through video calls.
In addition
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, another major benefit is that social
media
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 provides immediately new for society. So, it is unnecessary to wait tradition newspaper.
In addition
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 to
this
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, another factor is that the public can easily share their ideas and send messages through
that
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it
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 save a lot of time through
such
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 technology.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 social
media
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 has a large amount of misinformation, it enables humans to maintain relationships with their closest
people
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.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part: the good points are stronger than the bad points. Then make sure each body part helps to show why this is true.
task response
Explain your main ideas in more depth. For example, say how false news can harm people, and why video calls and fast news are more useful than these risks.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example of people abroad is good, but add more detail, such as how parents can see and speak to their children each day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the last part restate your full view: the good points outweigh the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Give one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body part, group close ideas together: keeping in touch, getting news, and sharing ideas need clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “However” are useful, but make sure the next sentence truly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “that”, “humans”, “nations”, and “social announcements”. Use clear words like “social media users”, “people”, “news”, and “messages” so the reader can follow your ideas.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that social media has more good points than bad points.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, with false news and lost time on one side, and contact with family and fast news on the other.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall order: introduction, bad points, good points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “To sum up”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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