IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 have differing views about the significance of the
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 in the present age of technology.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no need for
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 when it is possible to have access to online
version
Check wording
versions
show examples
 of everything, in my opinion,
that
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 facilities are still of paramount importance for both
people
Use synonyms
 and
economics
Check wording
the economy
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 today are able to watch any content they want through
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 without spending a lot of time and money.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, using electronic
devise
Use the right word
devices
show examples
 and social platforms makes it possible for users to watch any movies or films at any time they want. Shows and films are put at a certain time in
cinemas
Use synonyms
,
Correct word order
and theatres,
show examples
theatres
Use synonyms
 which is not suitable for everyone. But if
people
Use synonyms
 use
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
show examples
 they can ensure the flexibility.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prices that have to be paid to enter
cinemas
Use synonyms
 and
theatres
Use synonyms
 are not affordable for many
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the Internet
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to watch a movie or film can be much cheaper.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 argue that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 still have their significant part in terms of environment and financial benefits.
For example
Linking Words
,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are provided with very big screens which can make
people
Use synonyms
 feel themselves inside the movie and in
Use synonyms
theatres
Punctuation problem
theatres,
show examples
 watchers would enjoy the shows
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and performances done by real actors, which is impossible to do
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers and mobile phone screens. On top of
this
Linking Words
, public
theatres
Use synonyms
 can bring
the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 money that can be spent on public needs. New roads and other facilities can be erected for public use with the financial funds taken from those
cinemas
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
theatres
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 can be refered as non-useful places
due to
Linking Words
 the developments in modern technologies
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I believe that the use of them would bring a lot of advantages to
bot
Correct your spelling
both
people
Use synonyms
 and society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your view more direct: say clearly that cinemas and theatres are still important, even though online watching is useful.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For online watching, explain how choice, low cost, and watching at home help people. For cinemas and theatres, explain how shared events and live shows give people something that a phone cannot give.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, a family may watch a film at home for less money, while a live play can support local actors, workers, and small food shops near the theatre.
task response
Be careful with the point about public money. Say how cinemas and theatres create jobs and pay tax, rather than saying their money directly builds roads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of body paragraphs. For example: “Online entertainment is cheaper and more flexible.” Then: “However, cinemas and theatres still offer social, cultural, and economic value.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use words such as “For this reason”, “In addition”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not use “however” twice in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and clearer. Restate both views, then give your final view in one direct sentence.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by explaining online entertainment and the value of cinemas and theatres.
task response
Your points about lower cost, flexible time, large screens, and live actors are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to follow because each body paragraph focuses on one view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “On top of this”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: