IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that international sports events, such as The Olympics or the Football World Cup, are a good way to bring countries together. Others say that these events create competition, not friendship, between countries. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 globalised
eon
Correct your spelling
era
, without any qualms that the Olympics or the football World
cup
Capitalize the proper name
Cup
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are a good way to bring
countries
Use synonyms
 together. Some people coincide that others
say
Correct pronoun usage
who say
show examples
 that these events created competition, not friendship, between
countries
Use synonyms
.
Howbeit
Correct your spelling
However
, I debunk from them to proffer that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I believe that international sports events
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are a good way to bring
countries
Use synonyms
 together. All the teams are playing very well
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all the
Use synonyms
countries
Check wording
country
show examples
 teams
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
team
Use synonyms
 members are well-mannered.
Body paragraph 1
Compelling the obtainable
avidances
Correct your spelling
advantages
 to demonstrate that some
peopls
Correct your spelling
people's
 thinking are worng becaus it’s just
Correct article usage
a game’s
show examples
game’s
Punctuation problem
game,
show examples
 and if all the
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 playing personality,
concrete the
Correct word order
the concrete
show examples
 reason is if any
team
Use synonyms
 or
team
Use synonyms
 member
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 bad
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
 and they represent
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 country. To go hand in hand
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
drag
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
show examples
 me to
persist
Punctuation problem
persist,
show examples
 is
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
team
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 should behave
good
Rephrase
well
show examples
 whenever they
loss
Replace the word
lose
 the match.
Conclusion
To the
snopsiye
Correct your spelling
spectators
, I put the
pen
Punctuation problem
pen,
show examples
 it’s
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
just
entertainment
Correct article usage
an entertainment
show examples
 show for others
how
Verb problem
to see how
show examples
they
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 teams play. In
the
Check wording
conclusion
show examples
last
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 people shouldn’t
more serious about games
Correct word order
take games more seriously
show examples
. When you
loss
Replace the word
lose
 the
game
Punctuation problem
game,
show examples
 you should
apperiate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
 and congratulate the winning
team
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You give your own view, but you do not fully discuss both sides. Add one clear part about how sport can bring countries together, and one clear part about how it can cause strong anger or hate between fans and countries.
task response
Explain each main idea with a reason and an example. For example, players may meet people from other places and show respect after a game. On the other hand, some fans may fight or say bad things when their team loses.
task response
Your view is clear: sport can bring countries together. Make it stronger by saying that this happens when players, fans, and leaders show respect and follow the rules.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction; reasons sport brings people together; reasons it can cause bad feeling; conclusion with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. Then add two or three sentences that explain it. Do not put many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'. This will make the order of your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very hard or unusual words when you are not sure of their meaning. Simple, clear words will help the reader understand your point.
task response
You clearly state your own view that world sports events can bring countries together.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has an opening and an ending, and the ending asks people to respect and congratulate the winning team.
task response
The idea that players should behave well after they lose is useful and fits the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: