IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

This summer your local council organised a series of free concerts in your local park. You attended one of the concerts. The council has asked for feedback about the concerts. Write a letter to the council giving your feedback. In your letter • say which concert you attended • explain why you enjoyed the concert • make suggestions for improving next summer's concerts Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir Kowalski, I am writing in connection with a series of free
concerts
Use synonyms
 that took place
this
Linking Words
 summer in our local park. You asked me to attend
one
Use synonyms
 of the
concerts
Use synonyms
 and wanted me to give you feedback about it. I have to say that there were many interesting
concerts
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 and I had a huge problem choosing
one
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 of them. I wanted to go to each concert
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I chose only
one
Use synonyms
I
Correct pronoun usage
that I
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had time to
go there
Verb problem
attend
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. The name of the music group was Kensington
–
Punctuation problem
,
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 just like the Palace in the United Kingdom. There were four young men. Two of them played the guitar,
one
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 played the piano
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
last
Linking Words
 sang. They played very loud but their music was nice to listen
and
Change preposition
to and
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 dance
.
Change preposition
to.
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 I have
see
Wrong verb form
seen
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 many dancing people during their performance. My suggestions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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next summer’s
concerts
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 are to keep the direction. Everybody who listened to those
concerts
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 was happy. I asked a few questions and a woman above me said that she loved it and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a kind of events every year. I enclose a short movie I have recorded. Yours sincerely Renata

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task response
Say more clearly which concert you went to, for example the date, place, and kind of music. Give two or three clear reasons why you liked it.
task response
Make your ideas for next summer more clear. For example, ask for more seats, food, less loud music, or a list of concert times.
task response
The first line is not right for this letter. Use “Dear Sir or Madam,” because you do not know the name of the person who will read it.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph: why you are writing, the concert you saw, why you liked it, and your ideas for next year.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of your ideas, such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “Finally.”
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are hard to follow. For example, change “I chose only one I had time to go there” to “I chose Kensington because I had time to go.”
task response
You name the group, Kensington, and you say what the band members did. This gives the reader a clear picture of the concert.
task response
You give a good main idea for next year: keep the concerts because many people were happy.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, a middle about the concert, and a final part with your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use a polite ending, “Yours sincerely,” and your name.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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