IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. What is the reason, and what can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning.

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Introduction
This
Linking Words
 is a
serieuse
Correct your spelling
serious
 issue in
this
Linking Words
 generation,
further
Linking Words
 parents aren't aware of the real effect, and it starts from
parent
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parents'
show examples
 gifts
as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 smartphones.
Body paragraph 1
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, using social media and following
influncers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 can
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
 minors toward using adults application, learn adult
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
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, young people used to work after school and
weekend
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on weekends
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,
summer
Change preposition
during summer
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 vacation
,
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, after a solid experience with an increased salary by monthly start to be effective to stay out of academic learning.
Conclusion
to end with,
parent
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parents
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 must be in charge till their child
finished
Wrong verb form
finishes
show examples
 attending school lectures.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give two or more reasons for the bad view of learning, then give two or more ways to help. Your main reason is phone and social media use, but this needs more detail. Explain why it makes school work seem less useful or less fun.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The part about young people working after school is not clear. Explain if work makes them want money now instead of study, and give a simple real-life example.
task response
Give more full support for your ideas. For example, parents can set phone time, schools can make lessons more active, and teachers can show how learning helps with future jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: an opening, one part on reasons, one part on what can be done, and a short ending. At present, the ideas move too fast from phones to work without clear links.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. Use simple link words such as 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'For example'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending say the main answer again. Do not only say parents must be in charge. Include schools and young people too, because the question asks what can be done in general.
task response
You give a clear reason: phones and social media may lead young people away from school learning.
task response
You try to give a solution by saying that parents should take charge.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has an opening and an ending, which gives it a basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words, such as 'however' and 'furthermore', to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative attitude
  • learning environment
  • academic pressure
  • disinterest
  • curriculum
  • engagement
  • innovative teaching methods
  • project-based learning
  • digital literacy
  • mental health issues
  • support programs
  • real-world applications
  • long-term learning
  • student voice
  • holistic approach
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