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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries traditional foods being replaced by international fast food. Some people think this is harmful for both families and societies. To what extent agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, international fast
food
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 is becoming more popular,
while
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 traditional foods are being replaced in many nations. I personally agree that it can have negative effects on both
families
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 and society.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are some disadvantageous on
families
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 to consume fast
food
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. One major reason why the growing spread of fast
food
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 is detrimental for
families
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,
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apply
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 is its negative impact on eating habits and a person's health. Compared to other traditional meals, fast
food
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 tends to contain excessive amounts of sugar and unhealthy fats.
Furthermore
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, fast
food
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 can adverse impact on
families
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' relationships.
For instance
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, if family members are used to consuming fast
food
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, they get used to not eating meals at the same table with their
families
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.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, there are
also
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 some disadvantageous on society. To be more specific, the replacement of traditional kitchens with fast
food
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 can gradually erode the cultural identity and
tradition
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. The traditional dishes not only provide
health
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healthy
 nutrition, but
also
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 it is symbol of the nation , and they often embody a nation's history.
However
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, as long as younger generations increasingly consume the most famous foods,
such
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 as burgers and pizza, they may lose their identity and their
tradition
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.
As a consequence
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, people will build an unhealthy lifestyle for future generations, and generations will be unaware of their
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tradition
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traditions
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 and cultural identity.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 fast
food
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 is more convenient and more delicious, I strongly believe that it is necessary to eat traditional meals, since they may hold a nation's culture and
tradition
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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that fast food can harm families and society. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly how each effect happens.
task response
The health point is useful, but add one clear result. For example, say that eating fast food often may lead to weight gain or other health problems.
task response
Your point about family life needs more support. Explain why fast food means people do not eat together. It may be because family members buy food at different times instead of cooking and sharing a meal.
task response
The culture point is relevant. Give one real or simple example of a traditional dish, family meal, or local event to show how food is part of a nation’s past.
task response
The phrase "the most famous foods" is not clear. Say "international fast foods" or "foods such as burgers and pizza" instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: family effects first, then social effects, then a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: "Fast food can harm family health and family time." Then explain this idea in the rest of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be smoother. After the health idea, use a link such as "It can also change family life." This shows that you are starting a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "there are some disadvantageous". Use simple, natural forms such as "Fast food can cause problems for families" and "It can also harm society."
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your main view, which is good. Make it fully match the body by naming both health/family life and culture in the final sentence.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic: the effect on families and the effect on society.
task response
You give clear main ideas about health, family meals, and cultural identity.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction states your opinion clearly, and the final paragraph gives a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "To begin with", "Moreover", "For instance", and "To sum up" help show the order of your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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