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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Even though globalisation effects the world's economy in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. discuss both views

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Introduction
Globalisation has played a huge role in the development of the various nations throughout the past years. Nowadays, it is a topic of discussion whether its benefits should be appreciated more, or whether we should consider the negative impacts of globalisation on world wide economy more. In the following paragraphs,
this
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 essay will discuss both
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 pros and cons of internationalisation.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there is a significant economic growth throughout the globe,
due to
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 international trade, communication and exchanges of beneficial goods. It is a fact that the introduction of these exchanges has helped many countries take a positive turn and beat poverty.
For example
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, the international trade of oil helps various countries that do not produce oil
,
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apply
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 keep up with the ongoing processes. So, it really helps those countries to develop their economies and support their country to develop faster.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the negative impacts of the worldwide exchanges must be considered as well. The widespread use of shared goods from different
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
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 can cause a loss to small businesses
due to
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 competition ,
along with
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 the loss of jobs and environmental degradation.
For instance
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, the more transfers are made throughout the nations, the more pollution, waste and deforestation are going to take place, leading to environmental damage.
Also
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, the global branding and options can cause the local traditions and cultural values of the traditions to fade.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is quite considerable to appreciate all the benefits from globalisation and use it for the betterment of
region
Correct article usage
the region
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 , but the fact that it has numerous negative impacts must not be overlooked. The cross-country trades must take place , but after considering both sides of the coin.

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task response
You answer both sides and give a view in the end. To make your answer stronger, explain each main idea in more depth. For example, say how trade can bring more jobs, and how big firms can force small shops to close.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are too general. Use one clear case. For example, oil trade can help a country get fuel for cars and factories, while cheap goods from large firms can hurt local makers.
task response
Make your own view more clear in the last part. Say if the good sides are greater than the bad sides, or say that trade should grow only with rules to cut harm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, one paragraph for each side, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the links between ideas more exact. Use words such as “First”, “As a result”, “However”, and “For this reason” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are put together in long lists. Split them and explain one idea at a time. In the bad side paragraph, write first about small firms and jobs, then write about harm to the land and air, then culture.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “develop” and “traditions”. Use simple changes like “grow”, “improve”, “local ways”, and “local culture”.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad effects of globalisation, so the main task is covered.
task response
You include useful points about trade, poverty, small firms, jobs, the environment, and local culture.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader see your plan.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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