IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You study at a college in the city centre. You use public transport to get to the college but the bus service you use has changed. Write a letter to the manager of the bus company. In the letter, -Say who you are and the details of service you use -Explain the problem with the bus service -Suggest what you think the manager should do

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Dear Sir/Madam I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I am writing to you regarding the
changing
Replace the word
changes
 in
schedule
Correct article usage
the schedule
show examples
 of the
bus
Use synonyms
 service.
Firsrly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, let me introduce myself, I am Jack White, a student
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Oxford University, and I use
Use synonyms
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 service quite frequently to commute to my college.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I would like to inform you that
changing
Replace the word
changes
 in the timetable affected not only me but
also
Linking Words
 all students of Oxford as they rely heavily on the
bus
Use synonyms
 service because
this
Linking Words
 is the most cheaper transportion for us;
however
Linking Words
, the subway still works in
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 late hours, the
bus
Use synonyms
 is
more faster and convienent
Correct word order
faster and more convenient
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to request keeping the same old schedule as it helps everyone until the end of the
year
Punctuation problem
year,
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then
Linking Words
 you can change it from the beginning of the new year
,
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, the students can arrange themselves and adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the new timetable. I am looking forward to your kind reply. Yours sincerely, Adam White.

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task response
Give more clear facts about the bus, such as its number, route, old time, and new time. Say exactly how the new plan makes you late for college.
task response
Use one name only. The letter says Jack White at first but ends with Adam White.
task response
Make your request more direct. For example, ask the company to keep the old late bus time or add one more bus after class.
coherence and cohesion
Use short, clear sentences. Do not join two full sentences with only a comma. Start a new sentence after “well”.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main point in each part: who you are and the bus you use, the problem, then what you want the company to do.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “Because”, and “Finally”. Avoid “as a result of this” when it is not needed.
task response
You tell the reader that you are a student and that you use the bus to get to college.
task response
You explain that the new bus time affects students and you give a clear idea for a change.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a polite start and end, and the three main parts are easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Secondly” and “Finally” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transport
  • bus service
  • inconvenience
  • schedule change
  • travel time
  • commute
  • reinstatement
  • feedback
  • survey
  • accessibility
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