IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while other argue that people have the responbility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people believe that manufacturers and shopping malls should reduce the amount of packaging on their
products
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
consumers
Use synonyms
 are responsible for choosing
products
Use synonyms
 with less packaging. I believe that both manufacturers and
consumers
Use synonyms
 should share
this
Linking Words
 responsibility.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, manufacturers and shopping malls can have a bigger impact because they produce and sell a large number of
products
Use synonyms
. By using less plastic, paper, and other materials, they can reduce the amount of waste produced every day.
For example
Linking Words
, supermarkets can use simpler packaging or offer
products
Use synonyms
 without unnecessary plastic.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
consumers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have an important role. People can choose
products
Use synonyms
 with less packaging and avoid buying items that use too much plastic. If more customers make these choices, companies may be encouraged to provide environmentally friendly
products
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In my opinion, both sides should work together. Companies should reduce unnecessary packaging,
while
Linking Words
consumers
Use synonyms
 should make responsible choices when shopping.
This
Linking Words
 would be more effective in reducing waste and protecting the environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why each side has this duty and what may happen if it does not act.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but they are quite short. Add one more clear point for each view, such as the cost of less packing for firms or how price can affect what people buy.
Task response
Use more full examples. For example, describe a shop that lets people fill their own bottles, or a buyer who chooses fruit with no plastic wrap.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your view. This makes it easy to read.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea. Add a little more detail after each example so the link between the idea and the result is clearer.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In my opinion”, are used well. You can also use simple links like “As a result” and “For this reason” to show cause and result.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and state that both firms and buyers should act.
Task response
Your ideas stay on the topic of waste, plastic, and the environment.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear main view, and the last part repeats it in a direct way.
Coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are short, clear, and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: