Of all the global environmental problems, desertification is, perhaps, the most threatening for poor rural people. Desertification is the expansion of desert lands into previously non-desert areas. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
It is true that desertification is probably the largest menace to poor rural people. There are a variety of reasons why lands are desertified, including overusing the farm
land
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.
owever
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However
,
this
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problem can be tackled if urgent actions are taken.
Body paragraph 1
One reason
accounted
Verb problem
apply
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for
this
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issue is that
land
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is hyper-utilised in rural areas.
Land
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is
limited
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a limited
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resource. Most of
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land
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the land
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in urban areas is transformed to establish residential or commercial buildings,
while
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land
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in rural areas is used for agriculture or
plantation
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plantations
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. In order to supply enough food and pursue higher profits, people never stop using the
land
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, leading to the deterioration of
soil's
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the soil's
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quality.
As a result
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, these lands are vulnerable to desertification. Another reason is the extreme weather happening more and more frequently, which is
also
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caused by
human's
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humans'
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exploitation of
land
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. People destroy
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rainforest
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rainforests
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and wetlands to expand
the agriculture
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agricultural
land
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.
Therefore
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, the shrunken
rainforest
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regulate
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regulates
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the climate less effectively.
As a result
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, extreme weather like longer a rain season flushs the nutrition off soil and
accelerate
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accelerates
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the
desertificaiton
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desertification
.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there are some measures we can take to solve the problem. First of all, the governments should introduce
regulation
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regulations
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to preserve
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rainforest
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rainforests
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and
wetland
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wetlands
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.
Besides
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, these kinds of
land
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should be forbidden to
expoit
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exploit
or transform into agricultural
land
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. In
this
Linking Words
way, they can maintain the nutrition on earth, which contributes to a more sustainable natural system.
Moreover
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, it is on
high
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the high
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agenda that farm
land
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should
be
Verb problem
apply
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lie fallow
in particular
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period
everyear
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every year
.
As a consequence
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, there is time for
soil
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the soil
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to recover its productivity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, desertification is caused by overusing
land
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resource
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resources
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and the climate crisis. To solve the problem, we should appropriately utilise the
land
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and take actions to protect
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rainforest
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the rainforest
show examples
and
wetland
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the wetland
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and ways to solve the problem. Your main ideas are clear. To make the response stronger, explain each cause and each solution in more depth.
task response
Some ideas need to be more exact. For example, say how using the same land again and again harms the soil, and how this can turn good land into dry land.
task response
Add one clear real-world example, such as farmers growing crops on the same field every year, or trees being cut down in a dry area. This would make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, causes, solutions, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You use “As a result” many times. Try other simple links, such as “because of this”, “therefore”, “for this reason”, and “also”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. In the causes paragraph, the link between land use, cutting forests, and extreme weather could be explained more slowly so the reader can follow it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the solution paragraph more direct. State who should act, what they should do, and how this helps stop desertification.
task response
You give two causes and two ways to deal with the problem, so the response covers the full task.
task response
Your ideas about overuse of farm land, forest loss, and letting land rest are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly introduces the topic, and the ending clearly brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all”, “Besides”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • desertification
  • environmental
  • threatening
  • rural
  • expansion
  • desert
  • land
  • previously
  • causes
  • solve
  • deforestation
  • poor
  • land use
  • cutting down trees
  • soil
  • dry
  • farming methods
  • crop rotation
  • nutrients
  • climate change
  • temperatures
  • rainfall
  • plants
  • healthy
  • conditions
  • grazing
  • animals
  • green
  • protect
  • erosion
  • blown away
  • washed away
  • urban development
  • building
  • houses
  • roads
  • loss
  • green areas
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