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Writing Samples
Band 4

Students should be allowed to choose academic courses or practical courses, e.g carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether
students
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 should be allowed to choose academic
courses
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 or practical
corurses
Correct your spelling
courses
 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some people believe that it is magnificant notion ,
while
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 others argue that it is
waste
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a waste
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 of
time
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that
allow
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allowing
show examples
students
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 to choose academic
courses
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 or practical
courses
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 is benefical idea.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for allowing
to
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apply
show examples
students
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choose
Verb problem
to choose
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 academic
courses
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 or practical
courses
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 argue that it has many benefits and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 more knowledge for
students
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 .
For instance
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,if a
student
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 work part jop,he will improve her skills that benefit society.
In addition
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,many families encourage their young
adutls
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adults
 to work on academic
courses
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 or practical
to
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skills to
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 support their
responsility
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responsibility
 and
thri
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their
 ability to get
high
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a high
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jop
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job
 in the future.
For example
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 ,if a
student
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 has high grades in the university and he works on company as a part jop,many companies or
jos
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jobs
 will employ him.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that academic
courses
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 or practical
courses
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amphsise
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emphasise
 that it is
waste
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a waste
show examples
 of
time
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 and
students
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 might
distract
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be distracted
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.
For instance
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,if a
student
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 has
exam
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an exam
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next
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the next
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 day and he must work at
late
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a late
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time
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 ,he might fail in the exam because he does not have
time
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.
Furthermore
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,many
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student
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students
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 do not have sufficient money
to
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for
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 public transport.
For example
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,if a poor
student
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 goes
the
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to the
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unversity
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university
 by bus ,he cannot
offer
Verb problem
afford
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 the money totransportation to the workplace.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
students
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 to choose academic
courses
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 or practical
courses
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 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 notion.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it has many benefits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 future.

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task response
Give one clear view from the start. You say you agree, but your main reason is not clear. Explain why choice is good for students, such as helping them learn what they like and get ready for work.
task response
Make your two main points strong. The first body part should show why choice is useful. The second body part should either answer the other view or give a second reason for your view.
task response
Use examples that match the question. Your examples are mostly about part-time jobs, not about choosing school courses. Write about a student choosing maths or carpentry, and what this can lead to.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not use “For instance” too many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. In the first body part, the ideas move from courses to part-time work too fast. Say how work courses can build skills before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, restate your view in a full and clear way. Avoid saying only that it is a “good notion”; say why it is good.
task response
You answer the question and give your own view. You also try to look at both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a useful four-part plan: start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To sum up,” which help the reader follow your ideas.
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