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Writing Samples
Band 4

Discipline is an ever- increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In contemporary society,
discipline
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 has become an ongoing issue
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 schools. Some
people
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 believe that
discipline
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 is part of
teachers
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'
Use synonyms
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
,
while
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 others object to the idea that
parents
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 should be the ones to take responsibility for their
children
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. In my opinion, I agree that it is the
teachers
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'
role
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 to
discipline
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 their own
students
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.
Body paragraph 1
Few
people
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 state that
discipline
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 is part of
parents
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'
role
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. Unlike school,
parents
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 spend more
time
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 with their
children
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 as they can
discipline
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 them more thoroughly.
For example
Linking Words
, Korean families have 'gathering
time
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' during the weekend. By spending quality
time
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,
children
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 automatically learn to be more civilised. I disagree because gathering
time
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 doesn't always help
children
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 to grow mature.
Body paragraph 2
Apart from
people
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 who believe that
discipline
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 is
parents
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'
role
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, others believe that
discipline
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 is part of school education, as it helps
students
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 to become more prepared for society.
For example
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, many international schools in the US provide classes
such
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 as Transitions, Cooking, and Clothing to help
students
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 to become more independent and socialised.
Along with
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this
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 point, I agree that it is significant for
teachers
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 to
discipline
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 their
students
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 because it helps them to be more civilised through different classes.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
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 claim that
discipline
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 should be
parents
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' responsibility,
although
Linking Words
 the quantity of
time
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 spent doesn't directly help
children
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
teachers
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 should take responsibility for
students
Use synonyms
'
discipline
Use synonyms
 as their classes help them to be well prepared for society.

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task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. The part about parents is short, and the reason is not fully explained. Show how parents can set rules at home and teach good habits every day.
task response
Make your own view fully clear. You say teachers should have the main role, but it would be stronger to say that parents and teachers should work together, with teachers dealing with school rules.
task response
Use examples that directly show discipline. The school classes about cooking and clothing show life skills, but they do not clearly show how teachers deal with bad behaviour or rule breaking.
task response
Explain each main point more. After each example, say clearly how it proves that parents or teachers can help children follow rules and act well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the first body part clearly about parents and the second clearly about teachers.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the two sides, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For this reason”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear links. “Apart from people who believe...” is hard to follow. Use a simple sentence such as: “On the other hand, many people think teachers should deal with discipline at school.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part moves from parents having more time to weekend family time, then says it does not help. Add a clear reason for why it may not help.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view from the start.
task response
You try to use real examples from family life and school life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The two main views are placed in separate body paragraphs, so the reader can follow the plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • modern schools
  • teachers
  • parents
  • collaboration
  • student behavior
  • performance
  • strategies
  • promoting
  • communication
  • consistency
  • teaching
  • instilling
  • home
  • classroom management
  • authority
  • rules
  • consequences
  • behavioral problems
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