People are now living much longer lives than before and many feel we should remain in the workforce for longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Although
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
believe that individuals should remain in the workforce for longer because life expectancy has increased compared with the past, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
view. In my opinion, delaying
retirement
Use synonyms
can reduce employment
opportunities
Use synonyms
for younger
people
Use synonyms
and prevent workplaces from benefiting from fresh ideas and perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
with, requiring
people
Use synonyms
to work until an older age could reduce job
opportunities
Use synonyms
for younger generations. Many experienced
employees
Use synonyms
occupy senior positions for a longer period when they delay
retirement
Use synonyms
, which can make it more difficult for younger
workers
Use synonyms
to enter the workforce or receive promotions.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
may struggle to gain valuable experience and develop their careers.
For example
Linking Words
, if senior
employees
Use synonyms
remain in the same positions for several additional years, newly qualified graduates may have fewer
opportunities
Use synonyms
to obtain permanent jobs in their chosen fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, maintaining a reasonable
retirement
Use synonyms
age can help create a better balance between different generations in the workplace.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that younger
workers
Use synonyms
can bring fresh ideas, modern skills and new perspectives to organisations.
Although
Linking Words
older
employees
Use synonyms
have valuable experience and knowledge, workplaces
also
Linking Words
need
people
Use synonyms
who are familiar with recent technologies and changing trends. Younger
employees
Use synonyms
are often more comfortable with new digital tools and may introduce innovative ways of completing tasks.
For instance
Linking Words
, a company that hires recent graduates may benefit from their knowledge of artificial intelligence, social media and other modern technologies.
Consequently
Linking Words
, replacing some retiring
employees
Use synonyms
with younger
workers
Use synonyms
can help organisations remain competitive and adaptable.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
does not mean that older
employees
Use synonyms
should be forced to retire completely. Those who are healthy and willing to continue working should have the option of taking part-time positions, consulting roles or flexible jobs. In
this
Linking Words
way, they can share their valuable experience with younger
employees
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
gradually reducing their workload.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that
people
Use synonyms
should generally be expected to remain in the workforce for longer simply because they are living longer. A reasonable
retirement
Use synonyms
age is important because it provides
opportunities
Use synonyms
for younger
workers
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
allowing organisations to benefit from new ideas and modern skills.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
who wish to continue working should be given flexible options.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same all the way through. You give two main reasons: more jobs for young people and new ideas at work. To make the answer even stronger, add one short point about why a longer life does not always mean a person can or should work longer. For example, health, care needs, and tiredness can still matter.
task response
Your examples fit your main points, but they are quite general. Give one more real work example, such as a school, hospital, or office where older staff stay in top jobs and young staff cannot move up.
task response
The part about part-time work is a good answer to the other side. You could make it more full by saying how this helps both groups: older workers pass on skills, while young workers get jobs and help with new tools.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each body part has one clear main idea, and the order is natural. Keep this clear plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as "To begin with", "As a result", "For example", and "Consequently", help the reader. Do not add too many more link words; instead, make sure each new sentence clearly builds on the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
The last part is clear, but it repeats some ideas from the start. You can make it more direct: restate your view, name the two reasons in fewer words, and end with the flexible-work idea.
task response
You answer the whole question and give a clear, strong view. You also show that you understand the other side by saying that older people may still work if they want to.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and well explained. The points about job chances for young people and new skills at work directly support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main body parts, a short other-side part, and a closing. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported with clear cause and result links, such as older staff staying longer leading to fewer jobs or fewer chances to move up for young people.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: