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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are expected to be living in urban centers in the future. What problems will this cause?. Should governments encourage people to settle outside the city?

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Introduction
Nowadays, large numbers of people migrate from rural to urban centres for a better
future
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.
This
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 movement impacts the overpopulation
situations
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situation
show examples
 in cities. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 shall outline the potential predicaments caused by
this
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 phenomenon and people's ways to navigate them.
Body paragraph 1
To commence, urban
areas
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 attract individuals for a better
future
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 , more opportunities and a good pay scale. The development rate and infrastructure are far better thanin arural area. Since,
due to
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 less developement peoples tends to move from villages.
Moreover
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, education
also
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 plays an important role in
this
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 movement.
For instance
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, child who grow up in urban
areas
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 are much more capable of doing their activities than a rural
areas
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.
Similarly
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, parents want to make their child's
future
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 brighter
,
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apply
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 so that they will not face any problems.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, higher authorities have the power to stop these kinds of movements and provide the same amount of resources at the ground level in each area.
This
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 will help decrease the overcrowding in cities.
In addition
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, the government
also
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 contributed to the education department and met the desired needs of the parents.
Nevertheless
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, scholarship programmes should be introduced for the enhancement of children's
future
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, movement from one region to another causes a drastic influence on both
areas
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. But, alternative methods control the movements of the people.

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task response
Answer both questions clearly. Explain the main problems of city growth, such as high house costs, traffic, poor air, and too many people using schools and hospitals. Then give a clear view on whether the state should ask people to live outside cities.
task response
Your first main part mostly explains why people move to cities. This is not the main question. Change this part to focus on the problems caused by too many people in cities.
task response
Give clear support for each point. For example, when many people need homes, rent can rise and some families may live in small, poor homes. When more cars are on the road, travel takes longer and air gets worse.
task response
Make your own view clear. You could say that governments should support life outside cities, but they should not force people to move. They can build good schools, hospitals, roads, and jobs in smaller towns.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, problems in cities, government action outside cities, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “One serious problem is the lack of housing.” Then explain it and add one short example.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used in the best way. “On the other hand” shows an opposite idea, but the next part gives a solution. Use “To deal with this problem” or “For this reason” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Keep ideas in the same order from start to end. The introduction says you will discuss problems and ways to deal with them, but it does not clearly say if the government should encourage people to live outside cities.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion direct. Say the main problems again in a few words and clearly state your view about government help for places outside cities.
task response
You understand that city growth can lead to overcrowding, and you suggest that better services outside cities may reduce this problem.
task response
You include useful ideas about jobs, education, and public support in smaller places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion, so it has a basic clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In addition”, to join ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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