IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that scientific work on plants and animals is good. Others think it is dangerous. Discuss both views.

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Introduction
It is argued that scientific work on
plant
Check wording
plants
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 is good,
while
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 others believe that it is dangerous.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views and whether it is beneficial to undergo experiments in species
such
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 as
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animal
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animals
show examples
 or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is harmful.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, undergoing experiments on
both
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plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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 made a significant improvement in the scientific world.
Furthermore
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,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of theories and observations were tested and marked
valid
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as valid
show examples
 by using these species.For
examples
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example
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, medicines and treatments were first tried on
animals
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such
Linking Words
 as rats
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
if
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 showed a positive impact in the observed animal ,it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be valid
gor
Correct your spelling
for
 human usage.That illustrates the importance of using other creatures for people's
seek
Use the right word
sake
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, overusage of
animals
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 and
plants
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 is a reason
of
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for
show examples
 their extencition which indicates danger to human life.In science view,
human
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humans
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 rely on
both
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plants
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 and
animals
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 for food.
Moreover
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, depending on
plants
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 and
animals
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 in scientific experiments that will
then
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 be used by
human
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humans
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 is not always accurate because
animals
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 and
plants
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 do not have the same body composition of human.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are arguments supporting the scientific work in
both
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plants
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 and
animals
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 and arguments against it.On the whole, I strongly agree that using these creatures is an advantage to improve
human's
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humans'
show examples
 medical life and
also
Linking Words
 other aspects of their daily life.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view at the end. This answers the main task. However, explain each side more fully. Say why tests can help people, and why they can harm plants and animals.
task response
Your example about rats and new medicine is useful. Make it clearer: a test that works on a rat may not work in a human body. Add one more real or clear example for the other side, such as loss of rare animals or harm to a plant group.
task response
Keep your own view clear from the start or in the end. You say that this work is helpful, but also show that rules are needed to stop too much use and harm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, one paragraph for each view, and an end. This is a good plan. Make the first paragraph shorter and more direct, as it now repeats the question in many words.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. For example, after saying tests help science, give one reason and then one example. In the other paragraph, first talk about harm to nature, then talk about why results may not fit humans.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because ideas are joined without clear links. Use simple forms such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Also leave one space after each full stop.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point more fully supported. The idea about plants and animals becoming lost needs an explanation of how scientific work can cause this, for example by taking too many animals from the wild.
task response
You cover both views and give a clear final opinion.
task response
The medicine and rat example is on-topic and helps show the good side of scientific work.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” makes the overall order easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main idea, so the reader can follow your plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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