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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the
energy
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used in an average Australian household ,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 second graph illustrates the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emmissions which result from
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 report aims to summarise the key trends,significant comparisons and notable changes highlighted in the data.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is evident that the heating in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 experienced a marked increase,with the highest value represented in heating in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 cooling in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 represents the smallest.Another notable trend is the other
appiances
Correct your spelling
appliances
 in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 and heating in
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions ,which have almost identical percentages over the period.
Initially
Linking Words
, heating in the
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 accounted for 42%,making it the highest among all categories.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by water heating in
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emission ,which represents approximately 32%,significantly lower than the highest category
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In contrast
Linking Words
,the contribution of cooling in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 is relatively insignificant ,with a percentage of only 2%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,a noticeable trend is the uniformity between other appliances in
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 and heating in
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emission ,which both show similar patterns over the period.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the data highlighted the
australian
Capitalize the proper name
Australian
show examples
 household
energy
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions ,the most significant feature standing out.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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