IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Due to
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 technological advancements, the use of social media has increased over
the
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apply
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recent years.
This
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 has led to the replacement of personal
interactions
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 among many
people
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 in the community.
This
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 essay will discuss both
merits
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the merits
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 and demerits of
this
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 sentiment.
As a consequence
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 of busy schedules and distinct work rosters,
people
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 are finding it difficult to be available at the same time as their loved ones.
Hence
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, many
people
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 are
prioritizing
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prioritising
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 digital communication over face-to-face
interactions
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.
Moreover
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, a major part of
the
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apply
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society is moving into remote regions of the city, which in turn, reduces their chances of having regular one-on-one meetings.
Therfore
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Therefore
, many organisations have shifted to virtual means of interviewing candidates for better convenience. To cite an example, KMPG has completely moved into using Microsoft Teams and Zoom to interview potential employees and widen
their
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its
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 recruitment pool.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages. As the popularity of personal
interactions
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are
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is
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 reducing, social anxiety and nervousness around a big crowd
is
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are
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 increasing at a tremendous rate.
The interpersonal
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Interpersonal
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 skills are depleting
and
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, and
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 individuals are becoming more introverted.
For example
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, a huge number of public speakers are from an older generation where social media was either not yet introduced or popular.
Therefore
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, many folks are having a tough time adjusting
around
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to
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 a group of
people
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at
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in
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 a communal space. In the end, it is evident that social media is replacing face-to-face
interactions
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 at a significant pace. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks because it
is allowing
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allows
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 a huge percentage of
population
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the population
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 to have a better lifestyle and spend more time on personal growth.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say that the good points outweigh the bad points, then keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but explain more fully why online contact gives people a better life and more time for growth. Show how this is more important than the loss of face-to-face time.
task response
The work interview example is useful, but it is not fully about social media replacing personal contact. Use an example of families, friends, or people who live far away and use social media to stay close.
task response
Make the last paragraph stronger. Sum up the two sides and clearly explain why the good side is greater than the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and ending. To make the flow better, give each body paragraph one main idea: first the good points, then the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are good, such as “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. However, do not use “Therefore” when the next sentence is an example. Use “For example” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very broad statements such as “a major part of the society” and “a huge number of public speakers”. These ideas need a clearer link to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. For example, choose “face-to-face interaction” or “personal interaction” and use it in a steady way, so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check small errors that can slow the reader, such as “Therfore” and “the popularity of personal interactions are reducing”. Clear and correct sentences will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, and you give your own view at the end.
task response
You use a real work example to support the idea that online tools can make communication easier.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and linking words to show changes between ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
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