IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in cities live alone or in small family units instead of with extended family. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, people
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to live alone or in smaller units than with their family.
This
Linking Words
 is a positive development mainly because it allows them to spend their leisure time
at
Change preposition
on
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 their own terms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the housing cost is way less than a bigger house. First and foremost, individuals residing without any mates help to organise their free time better and at their own convenience. They are not answerable to anyone for the choices they make
in regards to
Change preposition
regarding
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 their living
condition
Check wording
conditions
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it allows people more time for pursuing hobbies with minimal distractions and
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
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 their horizons. To cite an example, a person returning
back
Rephrase
apply
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home after a long day of work, can spend the rest of the evening doing the
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 they like
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as knitting or reading a book,
instead
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 of having
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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 member of the family to look after
for
Change preposition
apply
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the cost of living in smaller units is quite low
as
Correct word choice
apply
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compared to a big house. Folks living with an extended family will have to spend more resources on basic
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
. To support
this
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, the grocery staples for a
one person
Correct your spelling
one-person
 household would be enough to
last
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 them nearly a month
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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hence
Linking Words
, the bills would be less.
This
Linking Words
 helps them to save a decent amount of money from their regular income source.
As a result
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, a huge proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society prefers residing alone without any sharing of common spaces.
This
Linking Words
 helps them build and save for an emergency fund faster and allows individuals personal space to prioritise their hobbies.

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task response
You give a clear view that this is a positive change, and you give two main reasons. However, the idea about lower cost is not fully true in all cases. A person living alone may pay all rent and bills alone. Explain why a small home can cost less, or say that this may be true in some cities.
task response
Develop each main point more. For the free-time point, explain how having control of time can improve a person's life. For the money point, give a more realistic case, such as lower rent, less space to heat, or fewer home items to buy.
task response
Your example about knitting and reading is useful, but it needs clearer links to your main idea. Also, avoid saying that people in extended families always have family members to look after; this is not true for every home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, first reason, second reason, and final statement. Make the last paragraph a real conclusion by restating your view and your two reasons in one or two short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are weak or repeated. Use clear links such as 'This means that', 'For example', 'In addition', and 'Therefore'. Make sure each sentence adds to the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from free time to hobbies, which works, but explain the step between them more clearly. The second body paragraph should focus only on costs and saving money.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or awkward phrases that can slow the reader down, such as 'without any mates', 'at their own terms', and 'sharing of common spaces'. Use simple, direct wording: 'living alone', 'on their own terms', and 'without sharing space'.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view throughout the essay.
task response
You use relevant ideas about personal time, hobbies, and money, and you include an example to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the two main reasons are separated and signposted with phrases such as 'First and foremost' and 'Additionally'.
coherence and cohesion
Most sentences stay focused on the main topic of living alone or in small family groups.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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