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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many places, large chain stores are taking over the marketplace, making it impossible for small businesses to compete with them. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

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Introduction
It is argued that an increasing presence of
chain
Use synonyms
stores
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 in many places is making small
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business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 struggle to the point of failure, since it is impossible
fot
Correct your spelling
for
 them to compete.
While
Linking Words
 I think that
chain
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stores
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 can make
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier, I believe small
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 are the backbone of every
town
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's economy and identity, and
therefore
Linking Words
, they need to be preserved.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, large
chain
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stores
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 are considered
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 by many
people
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, since they allow individuals to shop for many different items in the same location, saving time and reducing
transportation's
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transportation
show examples
 costs. 
For instance
Linking Words
, shopping in a
town
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's centre can be
time consuming
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time-consuming
, since
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 shops are often spread around, which forces
people
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 to spend more time travelling from one location to another.
Body paragraph 2
Furthemore
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Furthermore
,
chain
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stores
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 are taking over the market because they are usually more affordable. It is well known that
boutiques
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boutique
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 shops are generally more expensive than large shopping centres, which often offer fast-fashion alternatives and a wider range of options and prices.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
nowadays'
Replace the word
today's
 economy, with a rising number of
people
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 who struggle financially,
chain
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stores
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 become
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better option, because more compatible with
people
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's purchasing power.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, small
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business
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businesses
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 can be considered the backbone of every society, since they are the expression of a
town
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's culture, history and traditions. If small shops were to disappear, the identity of a
town
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 would be lost, since many spaces would remain vacant, or would be turned (in larger cities) into
toursitic
Correct your spelling
tourist
 attractions. Cultural cities like Florence, Rome or Venice
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 make a great example of places where authentic, original
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 have disappeared, resulting in the loss of
artigianal
Correct your spelling
artisanal
 knowledge and ancient traditions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I can see why
chain
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stores
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 can benefit
people
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's convenience and financial stability, I strongly believe that small
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 should be preserved and protected, due
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 importance in keeping alive ancient
knowledges
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knowledge
show examples
 and traditions.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain good points of chain stores and bad points for small shops. To make your answer stronger, add one more clear bad point, such as fewer jobs, less choice, or less help for local people.
task response
Your main view is clear: chain stores are useful, but small shops need help. Make the link to the question even more direct by saying that these are the main advantages and disadvantages in the first paragraph.
task response
Some examples are useful, but the example about Florence, Rome, and Venice is very broad. Give one short, clear case: a local food shop or craft shop that closes after a big store opens nearby.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this plan. It makes the reader understand your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, write “First,” before the point about ease and low cost, and “However,” before the point about local shops. This will make the change in direction smoother.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long and have many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences, especially in the last body paragraph. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “small business,” “little shops,” “boutique shops,” and “authentic business.” Choose “small businesses” or “local shops” most of the time so the reader can follow the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check a few word forms and spelling because they can slow the reader down: “convenient,” “for,” “Furthermore,” “tourist,” “artisan,” and “small businesses.” Also write “because they are more in line with people’s buying power” rather than “because more compatible.”
task response
You give a balanced answer. The good points include saving time and lower prices, while the bad points include loss of local culture and old skills.
task response
Your point about people with less money is relevant and well linked to why chain stores can be popular.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the ending clearly restates your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand,” “Furthermore,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” helps show the shape of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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