IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many people state that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 publishing data about research,
business
Use synonyms
 and education will bring a good impact in society,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that thise are valuable and
improtent
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important
information
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 in order to give it
free
Change preposition
for free
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. In my point of veiw by share
this
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 kind of
information
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have
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has
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 some drawback but if the data
use
Wrong verb form
is used
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 in a proper way and with good intantion will
outwighe
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outweigh
 the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
.sharing knoledge about research and
business
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 without any kind of
restiction
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restriction
 can
creat
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create
 distraction and harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
sometimes
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Sometimes
show examples
 research
information
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 could start panic
amoung induvisual
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among individuals
.
Anothe
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Another
 big problem is that when there is too much
information
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 is hard to understand the real
information
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.
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for
Capitalize the word
For
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example
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example,
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 there
a
Verb problem
is a
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lot of
information
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 published about
x
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the X
show examples
business
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.
some
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Some
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 should not be published .
it creats
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It creates
 a perfect
opportinue
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opportunity
 for rivals to
sprade
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spread
 misinformation about
x
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X
show examples
business
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,
as a result
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 x
business
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lose
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loses
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 all the popularity
which
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that it
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 has
been gain
Wrong verb form
gained through
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 years of hard
works
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work
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
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on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand, if
information
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 used in
porposefully
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porposefully,
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 it can change the society. Education is the
back bone
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backbone
 of a country .
having
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Having
show examples
 enough
resorce
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resources
 of
information
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 greatly
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the risks.
when
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When
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 there is
every
Correct determiner usage
all the
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information
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 you need to know in order to improve your everyday lifestyle,
business
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 or the data about
people life standerd
Correct word order
people's life standards
show examples
. We can act on it and gain the
potintial
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potential
 benefits.
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as
Capitalize the proper name
As
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 we can
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 the risk by having enough
resorce
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resources
 and
knoledge
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knowledge
.
Conclusion
in conclution i would like to say
havin
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having
 a huge amount
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information
Change preposition
of information
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its
Verb problem
is
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 a previlage but it
come
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comes
show examples
 with a risk of
miss uses
Check wording
misuse
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view, which is good. However, your main ideas need more clear detail. Explain why open information can help science, study, and business, and why some data may need to stay private.
task response
Make your opinion more direct. Say clearly that most information should be shared, but private data, business plans, and work that may cause harm should be kept safe.
task response
Your example about a business is not clear enough. Use one full example: a company may not share a new product plan because other companies could copy it or spread false news.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for sharing information, one paragraph for keeping some information private, and a conclusion with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “as a result” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because they are too long or not complete. Write shorter sentences and check that each sentence has a clear subject and verb.
task response
You answer all main parts of the question: you show both views and give your own opinion.
task response
You include ideas about public panic, false information, education, and better daily life. These ideas are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “on the other hand”, “for example”, and “in conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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