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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many university students nowadays live away from home and their parents because of their university location,while others live with their families. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many undergraduates live either away from their families or deciced to stay with them. Both situations come with advantages and disadvantages
,
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;
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this
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 is what we will try to describe and explain throughout
this
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 short essay.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, in many countries like in France and Germany, it is very common for young adults to move away from home once they graduated highschool. The advantages that can be drawn from
this
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 are mostly about the
socializing
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socialising
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 aspect. Indeed, after changing cities or even countries, those adolescents adapt quickly to different environments and create new connections, friends, and bonds.
For instance
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, many French students are now more attached to their university life and city because
this
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 is where they created something totally by themselves.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 have undesirable repercussions on their mental health at first because change is never easy for anyone. To illustrate
this
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, we can think about the language barrier that often exists when internationals arrive in a non-English speaking territory, and
therefore
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 don't identify themselves too much. Resulting in a sort of emotional detachment from their host country.
Body paragraph 3
Moving on to another choice often made by 18 or
19 year olds
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19-year-olds
: staying home. Usually, the main advantage is cost, because living in the same household as your parents will obviously save them from helping their child to rent a place, and give pocket money for food and other
subsistances
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necessities
. But
,
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apply
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 a major disadvantage is the lack of change and adversity.
For example
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, a student staying in the same city until his 30s will not have discovered as much as someone who moved directly after graduation. The one who went to a local university will probably have the same friends and habits, and won't be as susceptible to
make
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making
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 changes and
set
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setting
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 challenging goals for himself.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, both choices have their own drawbacks
like
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, like
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 some barriers that we didn't think would be
such
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 an issue, but
also
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 the lack of intrinsic motivation.
However
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, they
also
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 have major advantages that balance it off,
such
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 as the creation of new opportunities and the non-negligible savings that can be made from living with our families.

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task response
You answer both parts: living away and living at home. To improve, give a more even view. Add one clear good point and one clear bad point for each choice, then explain how each point affects students.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, living at home does not always mean a student has less drive or fewer new experiences. Say that this may happen, rather than that it will happen.
task response
Use more direct examples. The example about students who stay until age 30 is too broad and less linked to university life. A short example about travel time, money, home support, or meeting new people would be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and end. However, the first body part moves from the good side of moving away to the bad side before the next main choice. Put all points about moving away in one full section, then discuss living at home in the next section.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “Resulting in” is not a full sentence in this use. Use simple links such as “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “However.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this,” “it,” or “they” when the reader may not know what they mean. Name the idea again, for example, “this move” or “living with parents.”
task response
You cover the two living choices and give both good and bad points.
task response
Your points about new friends, change, mental health, and saving money are linked well to student life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, clear body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To conclude.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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