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Band 6.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.

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The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.
The given bar chart compares the proportion of the population in the UK
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in
thee
Use the right word
the
show examples
 years
(
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
2002, 2006, and 2010
)
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 all figures showed an upward trajectory throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
 females
after
Punctuation problem
, after
show examples
 reaching
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
peak
Punctuation problem
peak,
show examples
 declined slightly by the end of the timeframe. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that women had the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in the initial year,
while
Linking Words
 children stood apart from
other
Replace the word
others
 with the lowest fraction in the same year. In detail, the share of males accounted for 22% in 2002, compared with 25% for females.
However
Linking Words
, both of these figures experienced an increasing pattern
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 males increased steadily by 4
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, to 26% by 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, women reached
its the
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 highest point on the data at 32%, before recovering
subsequently
Linking Words
 to 26% by the end of the timescale.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the remaining figure was children,
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 experienced an upward trend.
Likewise
Linking Words
, males declined slightly to 24% over
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 8-year period.
Conversely
Linking Words
, children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 represented the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at 11% in 2002, but
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 was followed by a
further
Linking Words
 growth to 18% by 2006. Meanwhile, by the end of the timespan, there was a noticeable drop of 2
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, to 16% over
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 8-year period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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