IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.

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The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.
The bar chart demonstrated the number of
houses
Use synonyms
 built annually in
Derby
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 through the years from 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Derby
Use synonyms
 showed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase in
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of
houses
Use synonyms
 constructed
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 had a fluctutation through out the the
period
Use synonyms
, but
at the end
Linking Words
, it had a notable rise. Evidenced by the graph,
Derby
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 in 2000
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 showed a close total number of
houses
Use synonyms
 built in that year,
where
Change preposition
with
show examples
 around 48 and about 52
houses
Use synonyms
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
Derby
Use synonyms
 in 2009
surpased
Correct your spelling
surpassed
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 in construction amount by
approximentely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 340,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Nottingham
Check wording
Nottingham's
show examples
 total number of
houses
Use synonyms
 constructed was roughly 230 in the same
period
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 experienced fluctutation through out the whole
period
Use synonyms
 from 2000
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2009,
while
Linking Words
Derby
Use synonyms
 had a gradual rise from 2001
and
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2002
after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
 that,
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 2005, the rate of total
houses
Use synonyms
 did not change till 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, derby, nottingham, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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