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Writing Samples
Band 5

Discuss the differences between the way of life in your country now and the way of life in the past

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Introduction
During the
last
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 decades, Chile has experienced important political, social and cultural changes, which, in turn, reflect the way we live today as a society. In
this
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 brief essay, I will outline the changes I consider most significant to contrast the lifestyle of today's Chilean society with that of twenty years ago.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, and perhaps the most notable change, is the technological revolution of the early century, in which computers, mobile devices, and consoles transformed everything, from how we interact with one another
,
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apply
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 to the way we perceive time.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 it is difficult to find children playing in the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 or having moments of encounter as happened years ago,
due to
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 a lack of motivation and the immediate stimulation provided by electronic devices. A study by the psychology faculty of the Catholic
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
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 of Chile
,
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apply
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 revealed that children in general no longer show interest or initiative to make friends, a situation that worries
parents
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 and guardians.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, the new economic system and the expectations of
parents
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 are
also
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 two factors that have undoubtedly had an impact on Chilean youth.
Due to
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 the standards and demands of today’s market, it is impossible for many young people to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the traditional expectations that their
parents
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 pursued.
Therefore
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, many young people with or without the support of their
parents
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, decide to devote themselves to other things that make more sense for them, reneging on the old guidelines of
exitism
Correct your spelling
existentialism
.
This
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 new trend, which is already a reality, is reflected in other spheres of society,
such
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 as the world of work, where several companies understand that the new times demand greater flexibility, giving rise to remote work and
another
Correct determiner usage
a new
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 business culture.
Conclusion
In conclusion, technology has
revolutionized
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revolutionised
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 the way we relate to and interact with one another, a shift that,
in contrast
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 to the past, stands out to me as the most evident change.
On the other hand
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, the expectations of young people, combined with a greater demand for goods, have resulted in a new lifestyle among the youth, in which their motivations and aspirations differ completely from those of their
parents
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.

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task response
You answer the main question and compare life now with life in the past. To make the answer stronger, add more clear details about life twenty years ago, not only life now. For example, say how children played, how people worked, and how families spent time together then.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: technology and work or life goals. However, some claims are very broad, such as saying children no longer want to make friends. Use softer words, such as "some children" or "many children," unless you give strong proof.
task response
The study is not explained enough and may not be needed. A real, clear example from daily life in Chile would be more useful, such as families using phones at dinner or young people working from home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each main part has one key idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the second main part and the question clearer. Start by showing the past first, then explain the change now. For example: "In the past, young adults often looked for a safe job. Now, many want more free time and work that they enjoy."
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is more direct. This is very helpful in the second main part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show contrast more often: "In the past," "now," "however," and "as a result." This will make the comparison between the two time periods more even.
task response
You give two relevant changes in Chilean life: the use of technology and changing goals for young people.
task response
Your ending brings the main ideas together and returns to the contrast between now and the past.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "First of all," "Secondly," and "In conclusion" help the reader follow the main parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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