IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is ten years since you left college, You'd like to organise an event to celebrate this anniversary with all your friends and classmates from college. Write a letter to one of your college friends. In your letter • say what kind of celebration event you'd like to organise • explain why you think it would be good to celebrate in this way • describe what help you need to organise this event

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Dear all my college mates Hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well and believe you are in good health and in high spirits.I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to
informe
Correct your spelling
inform
 you that I am going to invite all my friends
Change preposition
to
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my home for
10th
Correct determiner usage
my 10th
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 anniversary as we
all
Verb problem
have all
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 completed 10 years separtion since
all we
Correct word order
we all
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 graduated from college. As you
know
Punctuation problem
know,
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 it
been
Verb problem
has been
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 so long since we all
people
Check wording
apply
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last
Linking Words
 meet so
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
party soul
Correct word choice
party's sole
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 purpose
to
Verb problem
is to
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re-unite
Correct your spelling
reunite
 everyone and share our gossip.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , as I
going
Verb problem
am going
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 to
married
Verb problem
get married
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 next month
so
Correct word choice
,
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 you guys can consider
this
Linking Words
party
Use synonyms
 as bachleour
party
Use synonyms
 too.
Use synonyms
Party
Correct article usage
The party
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 is going to mix of dance and food . Moving
Linking Words
further
Punctuation problem
further,
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 as I am going to invite all my best
friends
Punctuation problem
friends,
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 I want you all to come before one day
at
Change preposition
to
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 my home so that we can
shared
Wrong verb form
share
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 our eating
choices
Punctuation problem
choices,
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 as I remember
few
Correct article usage
a few
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Person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 are
vegetarian
Punctuation problem
vegetarian,
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 some can eat meat too
Punctuation problem
,
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and
few
Correct article usage
a few
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ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might have any kind of
allegeries
Correct your spelling
allergies
. In
this
Linking Words
last
Linking Words
 , hopefully everyone will come and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 forward to hear positive response from your side. Yours truly, Navdeep

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task response
Answer all three points more fully. Give the date, time, and place of the event, and say what you want your friend to do.
task response
The plan to meet again is clear, but the wedding party idea takes focus away from the college event. Keep the main reason as the ten-year college meeting.
task response
Ask for clear help, such as finding old friends, making a list of guests, or helping with food and music.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear order: first the event, then why it is a good idea, and last the help you need.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Some lines now have many ideas together, so they are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words such as "First", "Also", "Finally", and "For this reason" to join your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more natural opening, such as "Dear [Name],". End with a short closing like "I hope you can help. Best wishes,".
task response
You clearly say that you want to bring old college friends together after ten years.
task response
You give a good reason for the event: friends can meet again, talk, and share old times.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has separate paragraphs for the event, the reason, and the help needed.
coherence and cohesion
You use some joining words, such as "Furthermore", to add ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • plan
  • party
  • get-together
  • friends
  • old
  • ten years
  • college
  • place
  • date
  • time
  • invite
  • guest
  • budget
  • money
  • cost
  • food
  • drink
  • cake
  • music
  • talk
  • share
  • memory
  • story
  • photo
  • wall
  • help
  • join
  • come
  • together
  • nice
  • easy
  • small
  • warm
  • soon
  • let me know
  • thanks
  • see you
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