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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays ,many young people are addicted to social media .what problems does this cause,and what solutions can you suggest

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Introduction
These days, many teenagers between the ages of 12
to
Correct word choice
and
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 17 are addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
, which can lead to significant sleep disruption.
parent
Correct subject-verb agreement
Parents
show examples
 can limit the
time
Use synonyms
 their children spend on social
media
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, excessive use of social
media
Use synonyms
 among young people can effects the mental health.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, when the younger geneeration comparing them selves to others online can lower self-esteem.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
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 causes many young people to feel disconnected
form
Use the right word
from
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 reality. Another
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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 is the
dicline
Correct your spelling
decline
 in real-life social interaction.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 instance,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending
time
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 with family and friends in person, many teenagers prefer scrolling through social
media
Use synonyms
 for hours.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize the proper name
As
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 a result,
this
Linking Words
 weakens communication skills.
Body paragraph 2
To solve the problems, parents should set screen
time
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 limits and encourage offline activities.
to
Capitalize the word
To
show examples
 clear the point, encouraging sports and hobbies or going out can create
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 balanced lifestyle. Another solution is for schools
can
Wrong verb form
to
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 teach the students the
responsibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
 use of social
media
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can make
lesson
Correct article usage
a lesson
show examples
 about how to
less mange screen
Correct word order
manage screen time less
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time
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 and avoid harmful content. can help to build healthier online habits and improve mental well-being.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
 might reduce
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
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 of social
media
Use synonyms
 and help teenagers reconnect to the real world.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 addiction among young people causes serious issues like poor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health and reduced face-to-face communication.
However
Linking Words
, with actions
such
Linking Words
 as school education and parental involvement,
this
Linking Words
 situation can be
improved
Punctuation problem
improved,
show examples
 mitigated or deter the problems from being exacerbated
further
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain problems and give ways to solve them. Add one more clear problem, such as less study time or poor sleep, and explain it well.
task response
Make each main idea more clear. For example, say how poor sleep can affect school work, or how sports can help young people use phones less.
task response
Your examples are useful, but some need more detail. Give a simple real-life example of a teen who spends too much time online and then has less time for family, friends, or school work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: introduction, problems, solutions, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the start more direct and fully state both problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words correctly: First, Another problem, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Do not use too many link words in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are hard to follow, such as “can help to build healthier online habits”. Add the subject: “This can help students build healthier online habits.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the solution paragraph, first discuss parents, then discuss schools. Give each idea its own clear explanation and example.
task response
You deal with the main problems of poor mental health and less face-to-face time, and you offer useful ideas for parents and schools.
task response
The ideas about screen-time rules, sports, hobbies, and school lessons are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has separate paragraphs for problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “To sum up” to show how your ideas connect.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global connectivity
  • Knowledge sharing
  • Social engagement
  • Digital marketing
  • Networking opportunities
  • Cybersecurity
  • Online privacy
  • Digital literacy
  • Social awareness
  • Echo chamber effect
  • Information overload
  • Digital footprint
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