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Writing Samples
Band 5

In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In recent years,
advancement
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advancements
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 in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made it possible to change
ones
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one's
show examples
 appearance. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are spending a huge amount of money just to look younger
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend has gone viral because of social media.
People
Use synonyms
 are getting influenced to look
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 way, which I believe is a negative
developmet
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development
. A lot of the
times
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time
show examples
 these procedures don't go
according to
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 plan and cause
sever
Use the right word
severe
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 health issues.
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays, social media is playing a huge role in shaping the behaviour of today's society. Everyone is trying to compete with each other, in terms of money, career, fame and even the way they look.
Also
Linking Words
,
advancement
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advancements
show examples
 in
medical
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the medical
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 field
has
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have
show examples
 made it possible to change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain parts of
human
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the human
show examples
 body. When
people
Use synonyms
 see someone online with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 changed appearance, it makes them want to do the same. Some
people
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 say that
changin
Correct your spelling
changing
 the parts they don't like gives them the
cofidence
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confidence
. Many famous
people
Use synonyms
 want to look young because of the fame and attention that they get
due to
Linking Words
 their appearance.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these procedures may make
people
Use synonyms
 look young
but
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, but
show examples
 it has some
serous
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serious
 drawbacks to
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
. Changing how
people
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 look can make them
loose
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lose
show examples
 authenticity, many
people
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 get so addicted
of
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to
show examples
 their looks that they end up doing many surgeries, which can even
further
Linking Words
 damage their face beyond
repaire
Correct your spelling
repair
. The beauty products often contain harmful cancer causing checmicals, which in
long-term
Correct determiner usage
the long term
show examples
 can cause various
helath related
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health-related
 issues and can create
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 burden.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 want to look younger
but
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, but
show examples
 influence plays the biggest role in it
,
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;
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 often tend to follow the trends after seeing their favourite celebrity or influencer do the same.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour can cause
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 and
finance related
Correct your spelling
finance-related
 issues and can create a negative impact.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why people want to look young, such as work, fear of getting old, and the wish to feel good. Then explain more clearly why you see this as a bad change.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, social media can make people compare their face and body with others, so they may feel unhappy and spend too much money.
task response
Use one real or clear example in each body paragraph. This will make your points stronger and less general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Make the first body paragraph focus only on reasons, and the second focus only on why this change is bad.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” can show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people” and “look young” too often. You can use “they”, “this trend”, or “such changes” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences more direct. For example: “Social media is a main reason why many people want a younger look.”
task response
You give a clear view that this is a bad change, and you keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
You give useful reasons, including social media, fame, medical work, health risks, and money problems.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the other hand” helps show a move from reasons to bad results.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural and social pressure
  • Youth and beauty glorification
  • Technological advancements
  • Anti-aging treatments
  • Skincare
  • Cosmetic procedures
  • Self-esteem and confidence
  • Self-improvement
  • Self-care
  • Unrealistic beauty standards
  • Superficiality
  • Financial strain
  • Consumption and dissatisfaction
  • Psychological effects
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Body dysmorphobia
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