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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many workers today decribe high levels of stress from their jobs. What are the causes of this, and waht can employers do to improve the situation?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been increasing concern about the rise in work-related
stress
Use synonyms
. I would argue that
this
Linking Words
 is caused by
employees
Use synonyms
' poor work-life balance and by their insufficient job satisfaction.
Employers
Use synonyms
 should take measures to address
this
Linking Words
 issue, introducing health-related subsidies and performance-based bonuses.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why workers are stressed
,
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apply
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 is that salaries are often too low to support the rising cost of living.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to poor work-life balance, especially considering the increase in housing costs, which can significantly reduce people's purchasing power.
As a result
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,
employees
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 have
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 available
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 to be invested in leisure activities,
such
Linking Words
 as sports and social events.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
,
employers
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 frequently do not recognise their
Use synonyms
employees
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 hard work, which can lead to low levels of job satisfaction.
This
Linking Words
 discontent can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to increasing
stress
Use synonyms
 among
workes
Correct your spelling
workers
, because without
recognition
Punctuation problem
recognition,
show examples
 people can feel purposeless.
Moreover
Linking Words
, feelings of frustration and resentment may emerge towards the
employers
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,which
also
Linking Words
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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stress
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 levels.
Body paragraph 3
One possible solution to
this
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 problem
,
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 would be to provide workers with health-related subsidies,
such
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 as gym subscriptions or soccer lessons.
This
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 would help
employees
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 to have a better lifestyle
,
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apply
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 and to enjoy sports without the financial burden of it.
Body paragraph 4
Greater emphasis should
also
Linking Words
 be placed on financial rewards, especially in countries that have generally low salaries. In fact, I
fermly
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that all
employers
Use synonyms
 should provide
performace-based
Correct your spelling
performance-based
 bonuses to their
employees
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, to enhance their productivity level,
celebrete
Correct your spelling
celebrate
 when objectives are reached, and increase the job satisfaction of their workers.
For example
Linking Words
Body paragraph 5
,
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quarter assesments
Replace the word
Quarterly assessments
 could be made
,
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apply
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 to measure productivity and assign bonuses.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 work-related
stress
Use synonyms
 is a complex issue, I believe that
employers
Use synonyms
 have a responsibility to ensure their
employees
Use synonyms
' well-being, providing health subsidies and financial rewards.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why stress happens and what employers can do. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly how low pay causes stress at work, not only less money for free-time plans.
task response
Your two causes are clear, but the first one is close to a money problem outside work. Add a work cause too, such as long hours, too much work, or too little time off.
task response
The health support idea is useful, but show more directly how it cuts stress. For example, say that free gym time can help people rest, sleep better, and feel less worried.
task response
The bonus idea is clear. Be careful: bonuses may also make people feel more stress if they must meet hard goals. Say that goals should be fair and that good work should be praised in other ways too.
task response
Finish the example after 'For example'. Give one full, real-like case, such as a work place that checks work every three months and gives a small bonus or extra day off.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, causes, answers, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each cause and each answer more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some commas split the flow, for example before 'is that', 'would be', and 'to measure'. Write these phrases without a comma.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between sentences. Instead of 'This discontent can also contribute', you can write 'As a result, workers may feel more stress.' This is shorter and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same word form and spelling so the reader does not stop. Check words such as 'describe', 'what', 'resources', 'workers', 'firmly', 'performance', 'celebrate', 'quarterly', and 'assessments'.
task response
You give two clear causes and two clear actions for employers, so the reader can see your main answer from the start.
task response
The point about a lack of praise at work is well chosen. You explain that it can make people feel without a clear aim and can lead to anger.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, and the conclusion brings your main points together.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts, such as 'One of the main reasons', 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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