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Writing Samples
Band 8

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased significantly over the last decade, becoming a major public health concern. This essay will discuss the main causes of this disturbing trend and its effects on children and society.

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Introduction
The percentage of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 in Western society has increased significantly over the
last
Linking Words
 decade, becoming a major public health concern.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 disturbing trend and its effects on
children
Use synonyms
 and society.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary causes is the busy lifestyle of parents. Many parents work long hours and have little time to prepare healthy
meals
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 at home.
As a result
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,
children
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 often rely on fast
food
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 or ready-to-eat
meals
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, which are usually high in calories and low in nutrients. Another important factor is the influence of social media and
food
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 delivery applications
such
Linking Words
 as SkipTheDishes and Uber Eats. These companies advertise heavily through influencers, short videos, and attractive promotions, encouraging
children
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 to choose unhealthy
food
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instead
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 of nutritious
meals
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.
For example
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, a study conducted by the University of British Columbia in 2020 found that
children
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 exposed to influencer advertisements were more likely to prefer fast
food
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.
Body paragraph 2
This
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 trend has several negative consequences.
Firstly
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, consuming excessive amounts of junk
food
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 can lead to obesity, poor physical development, and health problems because these foods contain high levels of unhealthy fats, sugar, and salt
while
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 providing fewer essential vitamins and minerals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the increasing use of
food
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 delivery services creates more plastic packaging waste, much of which is non-recyclable.
This
Linking Words
 contributes to environmental pollution and greenhouse gas emissions.
Finally
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, regularly purchasing fast
food
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 can place a financial burden on families because these
meals
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 are often more expensive than home-cooked
food
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the rise in childhood obesity is mainly caused by parents' busy work schedules and the strong influence of social media advertising. Unless healthier eating habits are encouraged at home and unhealthy
food
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 marketing is better controlled,
this
Linking Words
 problem is likely to continue growing.

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task response
You answer both parts: causes and effects. To make the ideas stronger, explain more clearly how each cause leads to children being overweight. For example, say that fast food has many calories and children may eat it often.
task response
Your ideas are clear and on topic. However, the point about plastic waste moves away from the main focus on children and society. Give more space to effects such as poor health, low self esteem, less school work, or higher health costs.
task response
The study helps support your point, but it would be even better to give one more clear example of how a family or child may be affected in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph on causes, one on effects, and an ending. Keep this good order.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not start too many points in the same way. You can also use links such as “because of this”, “as a result”, and “in turn” to show the step from cause to effect.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match all main ideas from the essay. It now sums up the causes well, but it could also briefly name the main effects on children and society.
task response
You stay focused on the topic and give clear causes, including busy parents and food ads.
task response
You explain important effects on children’s health and on family money.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear main idea, and the ideas move in a natural order.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “As a result”, “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Finally” help the reader follow your points.
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