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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The map shows the centre of Paris. A company wants to open a new restaurant in the area. The map shows two possible locations for the restaurant.

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The map shows the centre of Paris. A company wants to open a new restaurant in the area. The map shows two possible locations for the restaurant.
This
Linking Words
 map illustrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 two possible locations for a new
restaurant
Use synonyms
 right in the centre of Paris.
First,
Linking Words
there is
location
Use synonyms
 one
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is in between the Bir Hakeim
Bridge
Use synonyms
 and the Lena
Bridge
Use synonyms
 to the north of the
river Seine
Correct word order
Seine River
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the first
location
Use synonyms
 is near the Maritime Museum
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has around 8000 guests daily.
In addition
Linking Words
, to the south
crossing
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
bridge
Punctuation problem
bridge,
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 there is the Metro station.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to the east
still
Punctuation problem
, still
show examples
 on the same side of the
river
Punctuation problem
river,
show examples
 is the Aquarium.
However
Linking Words
, there is a second
location
Use synonyms
 on the other side of the Seine, which is right next to the Eiffel Tower, which has around 16'000 visitors each day. The
restaurant
Use synonyms
 would be located between the Lena
Bridge
Use synonyms
 and the Debilly Footbridge,
Linking Words
furthermore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
location
Use synonyms
 is right next to the Art Gallery.
Further
Linking Words
 to the west is the Left Bank Park
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and closer to the Metro station is the Sport Center which has around 500 daily visitors. In conclusion, both
restaurant
Use synonyms
 sites are ideal since they are in the middle of
Paris
Punctuation problem
Paris,
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 where there are many tourists and visitors
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 would stop at the
restaurant
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words restaurant, location, bridge with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proximity
  • attractions
  • landmarks
  • boost business
  • public transportation
  • accessibility
  • upscale neighborhood
  • demographic
  • premium
  • menu items
  • competition
  • market saturation
  • rental costs
  • operational costs
  • profit margins
  • foot traffic
  • amenities
  • business offices
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