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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether
advertsing
Correct your spelling
advertising
 should be banned because it affects
children
Use synonyms
 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that it should be banned ,
while
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 others argue that it should not be banned.
This
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 essay will examine both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I
firmely
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firmly
 believe that advertising should not be banned.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 amount of advertising
aimd
Correct your spelling
aimed
 at
children
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 should be banned because of the negative
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 argue that there are some
advertising
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advertisements
,which are for adults or old
people
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 ,and
the
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apply
show examples
children
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 should not see
it
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them
show examples
.
For instance
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,if there is advertising about
horror
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a horror
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 movie and a child
see
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sees
show examples
 it,the child will feel afraid and might affect her charecter.
In addition
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,many families think that advertising should be banned because there is no point
for
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in
show examples
 watching it.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
large
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a large
show examples
 amount of advertising
do
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does
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 not
affects
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affect
show examples
children
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 and should not be banned emphasise that there are many benefits to
see
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seeing
show examples
 advertising.
For example
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,it
assist
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assists
show examples
people
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know
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in knowing
show examples
 if there are new things .
Such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
technology,clothes,and
make up
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make-up
.
Furthermore
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,the advertising
help
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helps
show examples
 companies and shops to be popular and gain profits.
For example
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,if there is a new shop and many
people
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admire`s
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admire
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 the advertising ,they will go to the shop to
purchse
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purchase
 things.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides ,I firmly believe that advertising should not be
banedd
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banned
.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it affects shops and companies on positive aspect.

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task response
State your view more clearly from the start. You say ads should not be banned, but you need to explain why the harm to children is not strong enough to need a ban.
task response
Answer the key part of the question: to what extent do you agree or disagree? You can say you partly agree: ads for horror films, bad food, or adult goods should be kept from children, but all ads should not be banned.
task response
Give stronger reasons for your main view. The fact that shops make money is less important than children’s needs. Explain how useful ads can help children and parents learn about books, games, or safe new goods.
task response
Make each example clear and real. For example, say that a scary film ad shown before a child’s show may cause fear or bad sleep. Then explain how rules on time and content can stop this.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main parts, and an ending. However, the two parts do not fully support your final view. Make the first part show the harm, then give a clear answer about why rules are better than a full ban.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body paragraph, do not mix help for people with help for shops. Pick one idea, explain it, and then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more direct way. Use simple links such as “However”, “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”. Make sure each link shows the real relation between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should restate your exact view and main reasons. For example: ads for children should be controlled, not fully banned, because some are harmful but useful ads can give families helpful information.
task response
You give a clear personal view in the first paragraph and repeat it in the ending.
task response
You try to discuss both sides and use examples, such as scary film ads and a new shop.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall plan: opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “To sum up”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • impressionability
  • developmental stage
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • materialism
  • consumerism
  • parental control
  • consumption
  • advertising literacy
  • interpret
  • outright ban
  • economic repercussions
  • media outlets
  • ad revenue
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