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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people understand what they should do to maintain a healthy lifestyle but still fail to follow healthy habits. Why does this happen, and what can individuals and governments do to encourage healthier behaviour?

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Introduction
In recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
 have understood the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but they still fail to follow healthy habits.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 problem and suggest effective solutions to address it.
Body paragraph 1
There are several factors responsible for
this
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 problem. The primary cause is that many
people
Use synonyms
 have a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 is mainly because modern jobs often require
people
Use synonyms
 to sit for long periods of time.
For example
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, an office worker may spend most of the day sitting in front of a computer.
As a result
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, the person may have little time or motivation for regular physical activity.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, another important cause is that
people
Use synonyms
 often consume unhealthy
food
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.
This
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 is because processed and fast foods are convenient and may contain high levels of sugar, salt and unhealthy fats.
For instance
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, a busy worker may regularly eat burgers or fried
food
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instead
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 of preparing a balanced meal at home.
Consequently
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, unhealthy eating habits can become a regular part of daily life.
Body paragraph 3
Fortunately, several effective measures can be taken to address
this
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 issue. The most practical solution is for individuals to exercise regularly.
This
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 would help because physical activity can keep the body active and reduce the risk of obesity and lifestyle-related diseases.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can walk or cycle regularly
instead
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 of spending all their free time sitting.
As a result
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, they can become fitter and healthier.
Body paragraph 4
Furthermore
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, another effective measure would be for governments to run public health campaigns encouraging healthy diets.
This
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 is because
people
Use synonyms
 can learn about the importance of balanced
food
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 and the harmful effects of excessive unhealthy
food
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 consumption.
Consequently
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, more
people
Use synonyms
 may make healthier choices in their daily lives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 fail to maintain healthy habits mainly because of sedentary lifestyles and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 consumption.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be addressed through regular exercise and government campaigns that encourage healthy diets

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: why people fail to live well, and what people and governments can do. To make the ideas more full, add more than two causes. For example, stress, low cost fast food, and not having safe places to walk can also lead to poor health.
task response
Your points are clear, but some are too general. Explain why a long work day leads to less exercise, or why a health campaign can change what people buy. This will make your answer more strong.
task response
Your examples fit the points. Try to use one more real and clear example for the government part, such as free sports areas, food rules in schools, or a tax on drinks with much sugar.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, causes, answers, and end. Keep this good plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used many times, such as “Furthermore”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently”. Use fewer of them, or change the way you join ideas, so the writing feels less repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear idea. You can make the link between the cause and the answer more clear. For example, after the point about sitting at work, suggest short walks at work or better work breaks.
task response
The essay stays on the main subject and gives clear causes and answers.
task response
The office worker and busy worker examples are useful and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The start tells the reader what the essay will do, and the end brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear, and each one has a main point with an explanation.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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