IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Hard work and determination are the main requirements for success in life. Others think that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Opinions are divided. Some consider that to become successful ,
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 hard and be dedicated to their decisions,
while
Linking Words
 others believe factors
such
Linking Words
 as funding and family play a crucial role in achievement. From my perspective, hard
work
Use synonyms
 and being determined are the most essential factors required for success.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some think that other factors are more important
compared with
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 determination and hard
work
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having enough money is a key cause for
people
Use synonyms
’s opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals can get some professional training or lessons in their business after their payment. Sometimes
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in prestigious level or get reputation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parental support and siblings’ assistance can help
people
Use synonyms
 to develop their skills and be successful in their lives. Family members
also
Linking Words
 encourage
people
Use synonyms
 when they make decisions, pursue their goals , or even when they fail. It will be motivation for them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that effort and consistency are the most beneficial to succeed
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
People
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 consecutively on their tasks and learn from failure, thereby resulting in the development of their skills, solving difficulties without depression. In most training, successful business
people
Use synonyms
 always say that individuals should get feedback to learn something new, evolve their level and build their business. Even if they failed, it would be best
when
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 they did not give up and continued to
work
Use synonyms
 properly to achieve their goals.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 support from family and budget can influence
people
Use synonyms
 on their success, I believe working hard and being consistent enable
people
Use synonyms
 to improve skills, continue progressing despite failures and difficulties.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why hard work can be more important than money or family help. Show how a person can use these things, but still fail without effort.
Task response
Use one clear, real example for each main idea. For example, a student may have money for classes, but must still study every day. A person from a poor family may build a good career through long-term work.
Task response
Some ideas are too general. Explain them step by step: hard work leads to more practice, practice builds skills, and skills help people reach their goals.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, one paragraph for the other view, one paragraph for your view, and a conclusion. Keep this form.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links inside sentences clearer. For example, change "thereby resulting in the development of their skills, solving difficulties" to two full ideas: "As a result, they develop their skills. They also learn how to deal with problems."
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words, but do not use too many. Good choices are "For example", "As a result", "However", and "Therefore". Make sure each link shows the true relation between the ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. You use "determination", "dedicated", "consistency", and "effort". These are close in meaning, but using "hard work and determination" more often will make your main point easier to follow.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the view about money and family, explain the view about hard work, and state your own opinion clearly.
Task response
Your main points are relevant. Money can give access to training, and family can give help and support.
Coherence and cohesion
The reader can follow your opinion easily because it is stated in the introduction and repeated in the conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is logical, and phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help show the two views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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