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Band 4.5

The best way to tackle traffic jams is to invest in public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some
people
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 state that
hte
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the
 best way to reduce
traffic
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jams
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 is to
sepnd
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spend
 financial resources on public transport,
whereas
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 others suggest that there are better alternatives.
Although
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 it may not be the only effective solution, I believe that investing in public transportation is the most efficient measure to reduce
traffic
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jams
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.
This
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 approach will not only reduce
traffic
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jams
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 but
also
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 use roads
effecientlly
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efficiently
.
Body paragraph 1
Admitedlly
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Admittedly
, there are other possible effective strategies for mitigating
traffic
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jams
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. One scheme is to relocate
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are in urban
to
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areas to
show examples
 rural areas to reduce the number of
people
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 and
cars
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simultaniously
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simultaneously
, by
subsidizing
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subsidising
show examples
 citizens who
had
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have
show examples
 been moved. Relocating
people
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,
cars
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 will be
drived
Wrong verb form
driven
show examples
 less
becasue
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because
 there is no need for them to come to
ciry
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city
 areas. Another approach is to advertise walking and biking on social
medea
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media
.
This
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 will ease the
traffic
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becasue indivisuals
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because individuals
 get influenced, and allow
people
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 to actually carry out what they saw from
advertisement
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the advertisement
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that investing in public transport is the best way to
alliviate
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alleviate
 heavy
traffic
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. One approach is that
mjority
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the majority
 of
people
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 would use public
transportations
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transportation
show examples
 as they are very timely and affordable at the same time, which reduces the number of citizens on roads. Forexample, trains are practical
so
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, so
show examples
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can encourage
people
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 to use public transportation
instead
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ofusing
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of using
cars
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.
Additionally
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, buses accomodate larger number of
people
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more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than private
cars
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.
This
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 allows citizens to use roads more
effecientlly
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efficiently
.
This
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 supports why spending funds on public transport is the most effective idea.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
althogh
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although
 there are other effective plans for reducing bad
traffic
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, my view is that investing in public transportation
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 us to
alliviate
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alleviate
traffic
Use synonyms
jams
Use synonyms
 the most
effectivlly
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effectively
.

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task response
Your view is clear: money for public transport is the best way to cut traffic. Keep this view clear in every main part.
task response
Explain more fully why better buses and trains make people leave their cars at home. For example, say that cheap, fast and safe trains can carry many people on one trip.
task response
The ideas about moving people to rural areas and ads for walking are relevant, but they need more support. Say why these plans may be hard, costly, or less useful than public transport.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of only saying that trains are practical, show how one full train can take many cars off a road at rush hour.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, other plans, your view, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. Use simple links such as “However”, “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “In contrast” when the meaning changes.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject is not clear. For example, change “Relocating people, cars will be drived less” to “If people move to rural areas, they may drive to city areas less often.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same point many times. In the public transport part, join the ideas about fewer cars, trains, and buses into one clear line of thought.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea, then give an explanation and an example. This will make each part more focused.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly say that you agree mainly with public transport funding.
task response
Your points about trains and buses are on topic and fit your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The four-part shape of the essay is clear, with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “Although”, “On the other hand”, and “Additionally”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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