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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days, public debate has been going on over whether
Use synonyms
options
Correct article usage
the options
show examples
 available to us in modern life are more than enough. I tend to believe that
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
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 era we have a large number of
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choices-for
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choices, for
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 the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1
Three main factors support the idea
of
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that
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 we have too many
options
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 these days. The primary factor we need to consider is that the expansion in technology keeps
people
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 informed. Obviously, the advertisement and social media made the process more accessible, allowing
people
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 to learn
several
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about several
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 applications and products that they may be interested in.
Besides
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, there is a wide variety of entertainment
options
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 available for
people
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 of different ages.
That is
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 to
say
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say,
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people
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 can choose any
types
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type
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 of activities depend on their mood.
For instance
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, when a family goes to spend a day at Disneyland
both
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, both
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 parents and children can enjoy different activities in the same place. The third reason for my believe that too many
choices
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 in our lives cover almost every aspect of daily life
including
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, including
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the
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apply
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food.
In other words
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, we have
multi
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multiple
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options
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what
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for what
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 we want to eat or from where we can buy it;
also
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,
if
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whether
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 the price is affordable or not could be
into
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taken into
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 consideration.
Body paragraph 2
I admit that too many
choices
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 can be confusing and overwhelming. Despite that, different
options
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 give
people
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 great freedom to choose what
the
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apply
show examples
best suite they need. It means that a variety of
any
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apply
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things can help
individual
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an individual
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 to make sure what they can afford or really
wanted
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want
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would argue that too many
choices
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 are a reliable thing because of
a
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the
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 digital era and the wide variety of products.
Accordingly
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, it would be advisable for
people
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 to have a wide range of
options
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 which can make their lives easier.
Accordingly
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,
although
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 having too many
choices
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 can sometimes be confusing, a wide range of
options
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 can make
people
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's lives easier.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say there are too many choices, but later you say many choices are a good thing. Explain if you agree fully or only in part.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how online ads and social media give people more choices, and why this can make life hard or easy.
task response
Use more direct examples. The Disneyland example shows many activities, but it does not strongly show that people have too many choices. An example about food, phones, or online shops would fit better.
task response
Avoid repeating the idea that choices make life easier. Add a fuller point about the bad side, such as stress, lost time, or fear of making the wrong choice.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first say your view, then give two main reasons, then discuss the other side, and end with your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. The first body paragraph has technology, entertainment, and food together. Split these ideas or choose only two strong ones.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Besides”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” are helpful, but some links do not show the exact relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Remove repeated ending ideas. The last two sentences say almost the same thing. Write one short final sentence that restates your view.
task response
You answer the main question and give your own view. You also include both the good and bad sides of having many choices.
task response
You use examples from daily life, such as social media, entertainment, and food. This helps make your ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. The reader can follow the main direction of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words to move between points, such as “Obviously”, “Besides”, “For instance”, and “Despite that”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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