The government has the duty to ensure that its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe this is individuals’ responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction

Nowadays, a healthy lifestyle has become a trend for everyone. A healthy

diet

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and doing

exercises

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exercise

show examples

are especially crucial for it. Many people argue that it is the

government

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responsibility

Use synonyms

individuals

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individuals'

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. In

this

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essay, we will

analyze

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analyse

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both sides and share my own opinion on

this

Linking Words

topic.

Body paragraph 1

The main reason why the

government

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should have the duty of a healthy

diet

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they

Correct word choice

that they

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can put higher

tax

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taxes

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and tariffs

for

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show examples

unhealthy products

such

Linking Words

as candies and other sugary drinks.

Also

Linking Words

, they can control what supermarkets or other shops sell legally.

For example

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, the products

include

Correct pronoun usage

that include

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higher sugar and chemicals should not be sold near the school and kindergartens. If the

government

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does

this

Linking Words

kind of

regulation

Punctuation problem

regulation,

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it will help directly correlate to a healthy

diet

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Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, eating healthy is definitely responsible for each individual. Because

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

we are the ones who are choosing

their foods

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our food

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and what we buy. That means the

government

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can not control each person`s eating habits

which

Punctuation problem

, which

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are uncontrollable.

Also

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, the main point will be human rights, which is what we eat is our

rights

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right

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this

Linking Words

century.

Conclusion

In conclusion, they both have their own

responsibility

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for a healthy

diet

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. The

government

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can impact an individual`s eating lifestyle by using

their

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its

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power.

Although

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Punctuation problem

apply

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each person has their own rights to choose what they can eat. That said, shared

responsibility

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from both perspectives will have a big impact. In my opinion, the

government

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has more

responsibility

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than individuals.

enkhdulguun13

Sep 8, 2026

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task response

You discuss both views and give your view, so you answer all parts of the task. However, explain more clearly why the government has more duty than people. Add one or two reasons, such as the high cost of health care or the way food ads affect children.

task response

Your ideas are clear but not fully developed. For each main point, explain how it leads to better or worse food choices. For example, say that higher tax can make people buy fewer sugary drinks.

task response

Use a more specific example. Instead of only saying food should not be sold near schools, explain what may happen: children may buy less candy and build better food habits.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear order: introduction, government view, individual view, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body paragraph state the main idea more directly.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with clear words such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Do not start a sentence with “Because” when it can be joined to the sentence before it.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject changes. For example, write “Individuals choose the food they buy” rather than “we are the ones who are choosing their foods.” This makes the point more direct.

coherence and cohesion

Make your opinion clear in the introduction as well as in the conclusion. For example: “I believe the government should play the larger role, although individuals must also make good choices.”

task response

You cover both the government’s role and the individual’s role, and you clearly state your own view at the end.

task response

The points about tax on sugary food and limits on sales near schools are relevant and useful.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main purpose.

coherence and cohesion

You use contrast words such as “On the other hand” and “Although” to show different views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

244 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
healthy eating habits
a balanced diet
nutrition education
public awareness campaign
food labelling
processed food
sugary drinks
advertising restrictions
food subsidies
make healthy food affordable
impose a tax on
personal responsibility
informed choices
self-discipline
diet-related diseases
preventive measures
shared responsibility

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