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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph shows that weakly income for families in one country between 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, noticeable that spending
food
Change preposition
on food
show examples
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to half during the duration.
In addition
Linking Words
, household
goods
Use synonyms
 stayed at roughly the same rate.
Also
Linking Words
 amount of spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure has increased. On the one hand, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of food dropped to half
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 35% in 1968 and counted in 17% in 2017.
In contrast
Linking Words
, housing
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
climbed to 19%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 10% in the start of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
. The same trend occurred
clothing
Change preposition
in clothing
show examples
 and footware the figure declined from 10% to 5%. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, household
goods
Use synonyms
 stayed unchanged in through of period,
whereas
Linking Words
 personal
goods
Use synonyms
counted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly rose from 4% to 8%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of spending in transport went up to 14% in 2018,
while
Linking Words
leisure
Correct article usage
the leisure
show examples
marked
Check wording
sector marked
show examples
 its highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2018
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 22% of
families
Check wording
families'
show examples
 spending.
However
Linking Words
, fuel and power
its
Fix the agreement mistake
accounted for their
show examples
 lowest level of spending in 1968, they counted 4% in 2018
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is the same
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 personal
goods
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words goods, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compare
  • spending patterns
  • allocated
  • weekly income
  • significant changes
  • essential items
  • food
  • housing
  • clothing
  • leisure
  • communication
  • increase
  • decrease
  • twofold rise
  • substantial increase
  • quadrupling
  • declined
  • food and drink
  • slight increase
  • prioritizing
  • necessities
  • transitioned
  • portio
  • non-essential items
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