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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In some nations, a few
people
Use synonyms
 are highly paid. Some
people
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 reckon that it is beneficial for the country,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that higher authorities should restrict salaries
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 a certain
level
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. I agree with the former statement and will discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
on
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On
show examples
 the one hand, paying high incomes to the
people
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 would help in raising
economic
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the economic
show examples
 growth of the country.
People
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 can live a well-off lifestyle by
accessing
Replace the word
access
 to better healthcare, education and other amenities.
Moreover
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, prosperous
people
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 often play
essential
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an essential
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 role in leading various charities or non-governmental organisations. Through these organisations, many needy
people
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 get useful services for themselves. These successful
people
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 usually establish their own businesses, which ultimately creates
number
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a number
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 of employment opportunities.
Consequently
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, there are
number of
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apply
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numerous benefits
of
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for
show examples
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who earn more than usual.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand, limiting
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 wages
upto
Correct your spelling
to a
 certain
level
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 may help in
equal
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the equal
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 distribution of resources among
general
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the general
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 public. When everyone
will receive
Wrong verb form
receives
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 income at a
fix
Replace the word
fixed
level
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, they can have equal access to all the resources. More equality will be seen in
the
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apply
show examples
society.
However
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,
this
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 may not allow everyone to get
a
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apply
show examples
fair pay based on the nature of their
work
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.
For example
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, in
healthcare
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the healthcare
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 field,
work
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 is both physically and mentally challenging. Restricting their income at a fixed
level
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 may discourage them
to
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from continuing to
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 continue doing
work
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 in that field, because increasing pay
along with
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 increasing experience itself is
a
Correct article usage
an
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 incentive to continue the
work
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.
Conclusion
In
the
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apply
show examples
conclusion, providing better salaries would help to improve the lifestyle of the
people
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 and would encourage them to keep working hard and more productively.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why very high pay helps the whole country, not only the person who earns it.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. For example, rich people may give to charity, but this is not always true. Add a clear, real example, such as a doctor, business owner, or sports star, and show how their high pay can help others.
task response
Your second view needs more detail. Explain how a pay limit could reduce the gap between rich and poor, but also why it may be hard to set one fair limit for all jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Use full links between ideas, such as “This is because”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not use too many link words if the next idea is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear word forms and avoid repeated phrases. For example, write “many benefits for people” instead of “number of numerous benefits”, and “a fixed level” instead of “a fix level”.
coherence and cohesion
Use capital letters at the start of sentences and for “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”. This makes the essay easier to read.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss the good side of high pay, the case for a pay limit, and your own view.
task response
Your point about high pay giving people a reason to work hard is relevant and fits your opinion well.
coherence and cohesion
The two main body paragraphs focus on different views, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view and gives a short reason for it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
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