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Writing Samples
Band 5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is a belief that the socail
media
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 mainly
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 on
personal
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the personal
show examples
lifes
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lives
 and relationships of celebrities but
pay
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pays
show examples
 insufficient
attention
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 to the
stories
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 of ordinary
people
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. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the
media
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 pay excessive
attention
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 to famous individuals and should
instead
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 devote more time to reporting on the lives and experiences of ordinary
people
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, we can see the presence of famous figures
such
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 as singers, actors and soccer players almost every day on TV, in newspaper and on social websites, and they receive much more
attention
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 than others improtant issues
such
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 as climate change or politics. The main reason for
this
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phenominon
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phenomenon
 is that
stories
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 about celebrities are often more entertaining and
attracts
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attract
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 a large audience, and
people
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 enjoy reading and
gosshiping
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gossiping
 about them.
As a result
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, the
media
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 and
othes
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other
 online platforms tend to dig deep into
personal
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the personal
show examples
lifes
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lives
 of stars and even invade their privacy.
For instance
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, Taylor Swift’s love story has become a popular topic on Facebook, Instagram and other social
media
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 platforms worldwide. Her wedding
with
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to
show examples
 Travis Kelce has attracted a great deal of
attention
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 from fans and paparazzi, who wait outside the stadium for long hours in
hope
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the hope
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 of capturing their special moment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
media
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 should be more concerned about the
stories
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 of the community around them since role models don’t have to be superstars. In each field, there are
people
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 who silently contribute every day to society, but their efforts often go unnoticed.
For example
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, we should explore more
stories
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 about teachers and their careers. Despite low salary and a high-pressure working environment, they remain
their
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apply
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patient
while
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 educating each student to become
better
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a better
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humans
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human
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. Through these
stories
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, audiences can understand the hardships and
empathize
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empathise
show examples
 with
people
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 in different occupations,
as well as
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 feel encouraged to make
great
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a great
show examples
 effort. Even little-known individuals become role models for self-improvement and enormously generous
contributor
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contributors
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 to charities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
media
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 are now spending too much time reporting on the personal
life
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lives
show examples
 of celebrities, mainly because of their popularity, and they sometimes forget that ordinary
people
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 can
also
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archieve extraodinary
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achieve extraordinary
 things.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that the media give too much time to stars. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why reports about ordinary people matter. For example, say how these reports can help people learn, feel hope, or take part in their local area.
task response
Use examples that are true and clear. The example about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is not accurate because they are not married. You could instead write about news reports on a local teacher, nurse, or person who helped after a flood.
task response
Develop the second main idea further. The point about teachers is good, but add one clear result: such stories may help people value teachers more or inspire young people to help others.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between ideas smoother with simple words such as “also”, “because of this”, “for this reason”, and “in contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences carry too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is easier to follow. For example, first state that star news brings many readers. Then state that this can lead the media to go too far into private life.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “media”, “social media”, “online platforms”, and “TV”. This is fine, but make sure each word has a clear use. “The media” can mean TV, news sites, and papers; “social media” should mean sites such as Facebook or Instagram.
language
Check common word forms and spelling: “social”, “lives”, “important”, “phenomenon”, “attract”, “gossiping”, “others”, “achieve”, and “extraordinary”.
language
Use the right form after “should”. Write “the media should spend more time” and “should be more concerned”, not forms with extra changes. Also write “in newspapers” and “on social media”.
language
Watch singular and plural forms. Write “the personal lives of stars”, “their privacy”, and “ordinary people can also achieve extraordinary things”.
task response
You answer the main question directly and keep the same view from the opening to the ending.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful: star news can invade private life, while stories of ordinary people can show real help and hard work.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear topic, an explanation, and an example. This makes the essay easy to follow.
language
You use several good topic words, such as “privacy”, “role models”, “audiences”, and “occupations”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity gossip
  • the private lives of public figures
  • excessive media coverage
  • invade someone’s privacy
  • public obsession
  • sensational headlines
  • entertainment value
  • newsworthy behaviour
  • role models for young people
  • ordinary citizens
  • human-interest stories
  • community achievements
  • raise public awareness
  • social inequality
  • local issues
  • make a positive contribution
  • inspire others
  • a balanced approach
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