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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the level of satisfaction of health care system in four countries in three years.

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The line graph shows the level of satisfaction of health care system in four countries in three years.
The given line chart shows the figures of satisfaction from individuals about health services over a period of
years
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 1991 to 2007
Overall
Linking Words
, it was recorded that Canada had the most fluctuating line,
while
Linking Words
 other countries
remain a
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 stable data.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the research,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 stood out from the graph,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite is true for
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US, which maintains
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 slowest figures through out a whole
progress
Use the right word
process
show examples
. Regarding
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US and UK, which experienced an upward
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 after 16
years
Use synonyms
. The
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of health care satisfactions from those people in these countries remained
stability
Replace the word
stable
 with approximately 11% in
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 US
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there was a slight jump in
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 UK from 21% to 29%, they both have the slowest
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
average compared to the rest of the chart. During 16
years
Use synonyms
 between 1991 and 2007, Canada
got
Verb problem
faced
show examples
 some problems in their system that the data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individuals's level fell strongly from 60%,
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first year, to 20% in 1998 and
recovery significantly
Correct word order
a significant recovery
show examples
 to 40% 9
years
Use synonyms
 later.
Netherlands
Correct article usage
The Netherlands
show examples
 maintained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable figures through the period
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had a
stead
Correct your spelling
steady
 decrease from 49% to 48% between 1991 and 2007.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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