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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart gives information about
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of closed stores and
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 opened in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, noticeable that closures
are
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest point during
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 period in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, openings are marked its highest level through
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 period in 2011.
Also
Linking Words
 that two trend has fluctuated. On the one hand, the
number
Use synonyms
 of stores that opened has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 rate in 2015 and 2016
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has 4000,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of stores that closed in 2015 marked
lowest
Correct article usage
The lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 is 500.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of opened shops dropped from 8600 to 3000.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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