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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The chart gives information about
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of closed
stores
Use synonyms
 and new
Use synonyms
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 opened in
one
Use synonyms
 country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, noticeable that closures
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest point during the period in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, openings are marked its highest level
through
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the period in 2011.
Also
Linking Words
 that two trend has fluctuated. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
stores
Use synonyms
 that opened has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 rate in 2015 and 2016
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 4000,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
stores
Use synonyms
 that closed in 2015 marked
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
is
Correct pronoun usage
, which is
show examples
 500.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of opened shops dropped from 8600 to 3000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, noticeable that
number
Use synonyms
 of colouser showed
dramatically fallen
Replace the word
a dramatic fall
 in 2014 from 6500 to 500.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of opening
stores
Use synonyms
 showed
highly decreased
Replace the word
a significant decrease
 in
one
Use synonyms
 year between 2011 and 2012
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which was 8600
Change preposition
from 8,600
show examples
 to 3900.
Also
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
clousers
Correct your spelling
clothes
 shops showed
slightly changed
Replace the word
a slight change
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 three years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, stores, one with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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