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Writing Samples
Band 3

The invention of the Smartphone marks a crucial turning point in innovation, becoming the most necessary item on everyone’s list. Today, it is rare to see a person without one, constantly entering data and searching for information. However, while it is a social milestone, the Smartphone is also responsible for a changing culture. Please share your perspectives on this topic and discuss your views on the subject from both a personal and professional perspective

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Introduction
The topic of the
invention
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 of the
smartphone
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 has sparked consideration dabetate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that
smartphone
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 has several benefits that will affect
in
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apply
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innovation ,
while
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 others believe that
its
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their
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 drawbacks exceed
its
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their
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 benefits.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of the
invention
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 of the
smartphone
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 .
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,the major benefit of the
inevntion
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invention
 of the
smartphone
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 is marking a crucial turning point in innovation
becoming
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, becoming
show examples
 the most necessary item on everyone`s list .
For instance
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,if a scientist does not have
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smartphone
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a smartphone
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 ,he cannot research
about
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apply
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her innovation.
Furthermore
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,it is rare to see a person without
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smartphone
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a smartphone
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 ,constantly entering data and searching for
infromation
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information
.
For example
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,if a girl
want
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wants
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 to
confrim
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confirm
 about some information,he will use her
smartphone
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 to assist in her search.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,despite having several benefits of the
invention
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 of the
smartphone
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,there are many drawbacks as well.First,it is responsible for
a
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apply
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changing culture.
For instance
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,if
people
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 in some country have
traditional
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a tradition
 in their food,the children who have
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smartphone
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smartphones
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 might change their
traditional
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tradition
.
In addition
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,
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smartphone
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smartphones
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 might affect
childern
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children
 mentally.
For example
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,if a child sees wrong information ,he might believe the
rumor
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rumour
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 and impact her character.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 the
invention
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 of the
smartphone
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offer
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offers
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 significant benifits of
people
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 life,it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
wrong information,
and
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which can
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 affect young
people
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 mentally.

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task response
Answer both parts of the topic more fully. Give your own view, and write about smartphone use in your personal life and at work. The essay now mainly lists good and bad points.
task response
Make each main idea clearer. For example, explain how phones help science, study, or work, then explain why this is important. For the bad side, explain how false news or too much phone time can change people’s lives.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The example about a scientist is not very strong because a scientist can still do research without a phone. A better example is that a doctor can use a phone to see patient notes or speak to a team quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: start, good side, bad side, end. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use “For instance” too many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the ideas in the body. State your own view clearly, such as: “In my view, smartphones are useful, but people should use them with care.”
coherence and cohesion
Check who you mean in examples. Do not change from “a girl” to “he”, or from “a child” to “her”. This can make the reader stop and feel lost.
task response
You give both good and bad sides of smartphones, including access to information and the risk of false information.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • a turning point in technology
  • an essential everyday device
  • instant access to information
  • stay connected with
  • face-to-face interaction
  • constant notifications
  • screen-time limits
  • digital addiction
  • social media pressure
  • unrealistic comparisons
  • remote working
  • work-life balance
  • blur the boundary between work and home
  • respond to emails
  • online meetings
  • mobile payments
  • small business owners
  • customer communication
  • improve productivity
  • protect personal privacy
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