IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching another planet to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 on
Earth
Use synonyms
 is not easy. So governments should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on finding another planet to live
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 I partially disagree with
statement
Correct article usage
the statement
show examples
 because there are some
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 on
Earth
Use synonyms
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
immediate
Correct article usage
an immediate
show examples
 solution
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we need information about other planets
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 Mars
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 invest more economy.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
Earth
Use synonyms
 has
some
Rephrase
so
show examples
 many problems right now
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 pollution and viruses. Every years so many citizens are losing their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 air and water pollution.
government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should find a solution for these basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 before thinking about space. Another bigger
problem
Use synonyms
 is
virus
Correct article usage
a virus
show examples
 which can kill
milions
Correct your spelling
millions
 of people.
For example
Linking Words
 Covid-19, as we all
know
Punctuation problem
know,
show examples
 each and every country lost more than
milions
Correct your spelling
millions
 of citizens at
time
Correct word choice
the same time
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 governments of every nation struggle to find
antidote
Correct article usage
an antidote
show examples
. All authorities should invest more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these viruses for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
 before looking for another planet.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Mars is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 similar planet
like
Change preposition
to Earth
show examples
earth
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we do not have complete information to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 things for
humans
Replace the word
human
 survival
needs
Check wording
,
show examples
 like air, water,
Correct word choice
and land
show examples
land
Punctuation problem
land,
show examples
 are important. Our
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 are already trying to find
survival
Correct article usage
the survival
show examples
 rate on Mars with limited budgets
for
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on it right now is not a good idea.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, right
now
Punctuation problem
now,
show examples
 I think spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on other planets is not a good idea because there are so many problems that need immediate solution like pollution. After solving all the basic
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 government should start thinking about investing more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 space.

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task response
Your main view is clear: money should first be used for problems on Earth. However, explain more clearly why space study is still useful, and say exactly how much you agree or disagree.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For pollution, explain how more money could give clean water, clean air, and safer homes. For Mars, explain why key facts about air, water, food, and human health are needed first.
task response
The Covid-19 example is relevant, but make it more exact. Do not say every country lost millions of people. You can say that it showed how a new virus can put great pressure on health care and public money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between your view and the Mars paragraph clearer. Start it with a line such as: “At the same time, some space study should still continue.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main point, then an explanation, then an example or result.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “However,” and “Therefore.” Avoid putting too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some word groups are unclear, such as “future on Earth is not easy” and “find survival rate on Mars.” Use clearer forms: “life on Earth may become harder” and “find out if people can live on Mars.”
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear partly disagree view.
task response
You use relevant ideas: pollution, viruses, and the need to know more about Mars before spending much more money.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows an easy-to-see order: introduction, problems on Earth, Mars, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view and gives a clear final message.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • future
  • earth
  • money
  • spend
  • plan
  • life
  • world
  • people
  • help
  • problem
  • need
  • risk
  • cost
  • time
  • learn
  • find
  • idea
  • safe
  • good
  • bad
  • work
  • more
  • less
  • together
  • many
  • some
  • could
  • should
  • would
  • but
  • you
  • we
  • they
  • care
  • trust
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