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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is a highly debatable topic in public that some countries
spending their
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 large chunks of
financial
Replace the word
their finances
 on building new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines for high speeds
train
Use synonyms
 to commute between cities
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 argue that more
money
Use synonyms
 should
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on existing public transport .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the perspectives
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with my opinion.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with,
Let
Fix capitalization
let
show examples
 us delve deeper in former
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Constructing
Fix capitalization
constructing
show examples
 new
building
Check wording
buildings
show examples
 or
railway
Use synonyms
 lines
solve
Correct subject-verb agreement
solves
show examples
 the
problem
Use synonyms
 of unemployment. To cite an example, an article published by Benjamin Bradlee in the Washington
post
Capitalize the proper name
Post
show examples
 stated that when
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
 track
layed
Wrong verb form
was laid
show examples
 in Newyork in
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
2010 thousand of workers
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 jobs in the form of
labour, surveyor
Correct word order
labourers, surveyors,
show examples
 and
enginners
Correct your spelling
engineers
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
anykind
Correct your spelling
any kind
 of development not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the public to earn
money
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 the economy of the
city
Use synonyms
 as
money
Use synonyms
 floats in the
city
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of new
railway
Use synonyms
 tracks
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 the traffic
problem
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
 because when there are
more
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
faster
trains
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 maximum
people
Use synonyms
 use
Use synonyms
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
 rather
then
Linking Words
 bus and private vehicle as faster
trains
Use synonyms
 take less time to reach their destination
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
show examples
, it
solve
Correct subject-verb agreement
solves
show examples
 the
problem
Use synonyms
 of congestion in the
city
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of British Columbia in 2022 stated that 10% fewer traffic on roads
seen
Verb problem
was seen
show examples
 when
maximum
Correct word choice
more
show examples
people
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 using
Use synonyms
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
 for
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
 to other cities
instead
Linking Words
 of cars and buses.
Body paragraph 3
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, let us shed some light on the latter
view perpective
Check wording
perspective
show examples
. Spending more
money
Use synonyms
 for the
better ment
Correct your spelling
betterment
 of buses
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the budget families ,
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 poor
people
Use synonyms
. As today's world inflation rate is higher than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 time
people
Use synonyms
 can not afford to travel by faster
trains
Use synonyms
 as ticket
price
Correct subject-verb agreement
prices
show examples
 are too high
to afford by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ordinary
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,as per
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
survey
Punctuation problem
survey,
show examples
 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 just living pay check to
check
Verb problem
paycheck
show examples
 as their financial power is not
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
good
to
Correct word choice
enough to
show examples
 buy expensive
train
Use synonyms
 tickets.
Conclusion
To
racapticulate
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
, it can be summed up with the advancement and
constructing
Replace the word
construction of
 new tracks for faster
trains
Use synonyms
not
Correct pronoun usage
, which not
show examples
 only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to solve the
problem
Use synonyms
 of unemployment
as well as
Linking Words
 traffic congestion
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on existing public transport
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 useful for poor
people
Use synonyms
 and students.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which is good. However, make your opinion more clear in the last part. Say why new fast rail should get more money than old public transport.
task response
Your main points are useful: jobs, less road traffic, and help for poor people. Develop each point more. Explain how long the jobs last and why fast trains may be worth their high cost.
task response
Be careful with examples. The news and survey examples sound very exact, but they need clear facts. You can use a simple real-life example instead, such as how a fast train can cut a three-hour trip to one hour.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then an end. This makes it easy to follow. Still, the end should state your choice clearly, not only list both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Furthermore', but some do not fit well. Use simple links like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Also', and 'However'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph is about jobs, while the second is about traffic; this is good. Add a clear first sentence to each paragraph that tells the reader its main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences. This will make the meaning clearer and help the flow of the essay.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the case for new fast rail, the case for better old public transport, and your own view.
task response
The essay gives clear reasons on both sides, including jobs, road traffic, cost, and the needs of students and poor people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses separate paragraphs for the two views, so the reader can see the two sides easily.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the final paragraph brings the main ideas together.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • urban mobility
  • commuters
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
  • rejuvenate
  • cost-effective
  • traffic congestion
  • economic sustainability
  • tourism
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