IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Television has two roles: to inform and to entertain people. Explain which of these roles you see as more important. To what extent do you think that TV today performs each of these roles in an effective way? Support your point of view with details from your own experiences, observations or reading.

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Introduction
In
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 modern era, television primarily plays two roles, one is to entertain its
viewer
Check wording
viewers
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, and
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 is to spread information. I believe that educating
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public through critical data and analyses has more significance.
However
Linking Words
, providing amusement to
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
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 is equally important as well.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the image screen was invented almost a century ago
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 since
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then
Punctuation problem
then,
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 it has substantial advancements in terms of technology.
Latest color
Correct determiner usage
The latest colour
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 screen
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with high-end audio
devices
Punctuation problem
devices,
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 provides information smoothly. News channels have
global
Correct article usage
a global
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 network
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they telecast live reporting from each and every part of the world. The Television spread awareness
almost
Change preposition
of almost
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 all aspects of life
Punctuation problem
, which
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which includes
Wrong verb form
including
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 but not limited to health, education, politics, global weather and sports.
For instance
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, during the time of
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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 of Covid19, through extensive reporting and awareness
news
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, news
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 channels played
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
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 role to cascade lifesaving data.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, considering that entertainment and distribution of knowledge are two of
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 roles of Television. By seeing the results and trend, it is
save
Correct word choice
safe
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 to say that it is doing justice to its viewers. Geographic and
geopolitics
Replace the word
geopolitical
 related historical data is well presented by channels. Sporting events
such
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 as football, cricket,
tennis
Correct word choice
and tennis
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 are
telecasted
Wrong verb form
telecast
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 live
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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consequently
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enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 harmony among people.
However
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, there is always room for improvement.
For instance
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, through adequate parental control
content
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, content
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 limitations can be
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
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 for kids.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, with enhanced global reach
TV
Punctuation problem
, TV
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 screens
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 presenting
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 amount of infotainment. And it is evident that people are getting immense benefits from their screens
specially
Rephrase
, especially
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 in terms of knowledge. And its effectiveness has considerably increased with internet connectivity.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say that informing people is more important, but you also say that fun is equally important. Explain the difference: information should come first, while entertainment still has a key place.
task response
Answer the second part of the question in a more direct way. Say how well TV informs people today and how well it entertains them. Give both good and bad points, such as live news and sports on one hand, and false news or poor shows on the other.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and one full example. The Covid-19 example is useful, but explain how TV advice helped people make safe choices.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, why informing is more important, how well TV does both jobs today, and conclusion. Your second body paragraph now mixes several ideas, so it is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main point. For example: “TV is most important as a source of public information.” Then give reasons and an example before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words that show the relation between them: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In contrast.” Make sure each link matches the idea that follows.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can see the point more easily. Also check basic word forms, such as “viewers,” “safe,” and “applied.”
task response
You give a clear overall view that TV should inform people, and you support this with the strong example of health news during Covid-19.
task response
You include both roles of TV, with examples of news, history shows, sports, and children’s content.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow its general shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “To begin with,” “Moreover,” “However,” “For instance,” and “To conclude.”
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