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Band 4.5

Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times and places of the offence. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

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Introduction
It has been suggested that
laws
Use synonyms
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be
flexible
Punctuation problem
flexible,
show examples
 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rigid or fixed. The statement is based on the belief that the reason of
crime
Use synonyms
 are various,
different
Correct word choice
and different
show examples
 times,
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, and places of offence will have different effects. From my perspective, I agree that
opinio
Correct your spelling
opinions
,
laws
Use synonyms
shoud deside
Correct your spelling
should be decided
 by various
circumstanes
Correct your spelling
circumstances
, times and places of the offence should be
flexible
Punctuation problem
flexible,
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 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rigid or fixed.
Body paragraph 1
It is widely accepted by many individuals that flexible
laws
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be more fair. They hold
such
Linking Words
 a belief probably because sentencing varies depending on the severity of the
crime
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. The view can be best evidenced by the fact that teenager
crime
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 and adult
crime
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 are sentenced differently, and the
causesof
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causes of
 victim-related crimes differ from those of proactive crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, Murderers who commit killings through targeted kidnappings
due to
Linking Words
 personal grudges, those who carry out indiscriminate killings in public places, and those who premeditatedly break into schools to murder differ significantly in their criminal circumstances and the social impact they cause, leading to different sentencing under
he
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 law. To put it in another way, the
flexile
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flexible
laws
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 can fix it better.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
laws
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shoud
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should
 not be rigid or fixed.
Body paragraph 2
Those who feel that
laws
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 should be rigid might argue that fixed
laws
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it is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more conducive to social stability. Undeniably, rigid
laws
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more
Verb problem
are more
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 stable and more conducive to making judgments. To illustrate, rigid
laws
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willnor
Correct your spelling
will not
 change in real time, there are more stable grounds for judgment when making a verdict.
As a result
Linking Words
, fixed
laws
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more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 convenient for the judge to make a judgment.
Thus
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 some situations is strongly opposed by some individuals.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, we can find both pros and cons to the trend. I claim
what
Correct word choice
that what
show examples
 we should do is to
maximize
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maximise
show examples
 its benefits and
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 its drawbacks.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first part: you agree that laws need some room for change. Keep this same view in the last part. Do not end with a general line about both sides, because it makes your main view less clear.
task response
Explain why time, place, and the facts of a case matter. For example, show how age, intent, harm, self-defence, or a public place can change the right punishment.
task response
Your murder example has many ideas at once. Use one clear case, then say exactly why it should lead to a different punishment. This will make the point easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction with your view; one body part on fair punishment; one body part on why some fixed rules are still needed; then a conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one main idea. For example: “Flexible laws can lead to fairer punishment.” Then give a reason, an example, and a short result.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid repeating “laws should not be rigid or fixed” many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to read. For example, change “fixed laws more convenient for the judge” to “Fixed laws can make a judge’s work easier.”
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear general view that laws should consider the facts of each case.
task response
You use a relevant example about young people and adults, which helps show why the same act may not always need the same punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and an ending. You also try to show both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful link words, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “In a nutshell”, to guide the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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